Tuesday, December 27, 2005

the gifts of singleness and marriage The desire to be a wife and mother has been lingering in my heart for a few months now. When I was 16 or 17, God and I had a conversation. I had just found out I had PCOS and might not be able to have children. At that time in my life, all I wanted to be was a wife and mother. To be a stay at home mom was my career goal. I was an avid Elisabeth Elliot reader and had several other books on my selves such as A Good Man is Hard to Find Unless You Ask God to be the Head of Your Search Commitee. My conversation with God went something like this: God: Amanda, would you be willing to not have children if it meant serving me better? Amanda: But, God, I love children and want to be a mother so much. However, now I know I might not be able to birth children, could I adopt? God: My question is: would you be willing to not be a mother if it means serving me better? Amanda: Oh. Well, I would be very sad if I could not be a mother, but if I could serve you better, then OK; I am willing. God: What about being a wife? Would you be willing to be single if it meant serving me better? Amanda: Yes, Lord, if it means serving you better. Yes, I am willing. After that conversation, I realized that books about singleness and marriage were more important to me than my Bible. I also had great peace about being single and enjoyed growing closer to God and finding out some of his neat plans for my life that never could have happened if I had followed my own "life plan." Then it came time for college. My friends and classmates started dating and getting married. It was very hard to not be jealous of them. It was at this time that God and I had another discussion. He showed me 1 Corthians 7. He convinced me that my friends were exchanging their gift of singleness for the gift of marriage, but that my singleness was still a gift. That I should celebrate with them, knowing my God is a good gift giver (Matthew 7) and both mine and their gifts were good. Again, I had peace about being single and was able to celebrate with my friends. I have never truly been on "a date." I am now almost 28. American media makes fun of people who haven't had sex in a month or even in a week--I have now gone my whole life without a real date and with never even being kissed by a man. Oh, what would the media do with that?!? But this is an off topic blip in my post. My point is this: for the first time in over 10 years, I am starting to long for marriage and motherhood again. Why now? Is it me...

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