Monday, June 12, 2006

it happened again I was surfing a few blogs. I stumble across cool women about my age or a little younger. I like what I see and read. Then it happens. I glance at the bios--"wife and mother of three"--then Envy with her long, pointy nails and deep green eyes knocks on the door. She wants to come in and set up residence in my heart. After the third or fourth blog by a young happy-wife-and-mother, I close all the tabs and wonder if I'll be able to find them again, but I know I can't stay on those sites any longer right now. In fact, I put the laptop to sleep and question whether surfing for new blogs is a good idea at all if I am going to keep encountering blogs by women five years younger than me that are married with children. How else can I keep Evny from knocking on the door? And, then, my heart turns to the only place where I can find refuge. The one place that without a doubt I can receive solace. "Oh Daddy-God, I need you." In the moments that follow my cry for help, I am reminded of something I read a few weeks ago in Caroyln McCulley's book Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? (which at the moment is MIA, so I can't quote verbaitm). She pointed out that my greatest need is a Savior. And, since God has given me the gift of salvation, giving me a husband is a small task; moreover, I can trust Him so much and be so thankful that my greatest need of all--saving grace--has been taken care of. After reminding me of this truth, He whispered to my heart of hearts "I am God and there is no other. I am all-loving and all-powerful, all the time. Trust me." Ahh. What a great God we have. I am so thankful He interacts with us in a very real and personal way. I am glad He is so very trustworthy. I am eternally grateful for the free gift of salvation He has given to me. He is a grace-filled God, and I am a grace-needing sinner. Praise the Lord! He is slow to anger and abounding in love. Nothing is impossible for Him! (oh, and if you are a young happy-wife-and-mother, please know i rejoice for--not resent--you, but that doesn't mean i still do not struggle with the green-eyed monster of envy when i visit your blog and read your bio.)

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