Monday, November 06, 2006

ouch! that stings! Carolyn McCulley from Solo Femininity hits the nail on the head once again. She was able to put into words something I've been experiencing, but hadn't been able to express in words. As the holidays approach, it's time to prepare our hearts for many similar year-end conversations. I've been thinking about this conversation a lot lately, and about why it's so hard to have it. And I think it comes down to this: We can't boast. We can't boast in a ring. Or boast in a faithful husband. Or--for most of us--boast in our offspring. Others may have "braggin' rights," but we have to endure awkward, too-personal questions. "This conversation" = basically any conversation that includes something to the effect of "oh, so you're still single." But, this idea of having nothing to brag about does not just pertain to those "so you're still single" conversations. Often times it includes many conversations I have with a married (usually newly married) friend. Especially when they say things (often times without realizing it) about how great their life is because of their husband, children, two cars in the garage--and oh don't forget about the prefect new table cloth. Oh, what a happy life! Or when they tell me they are so glad the timing of their marriage works out so that they are not too old (usually my age or my age +2 is stated) to have the perfect life plan for marriage and kids. You know . . . it is really hard to rejoice for others when their good news feels like a slap in the face. I try, I try really hard, to be happy for them. And, it is not that I am not happy for them. It is just that their hapiness stings a little. So, I need time to recover from the sting of the slap before I can honestly express my happiness for them. AND, what makes it even harder . . . is that the person did NOT mean to give me (nor even realizes she has given me) a slap in the face by sharing with me good news. She is simply sharing happy news with a friend. Oh, but let's go back to Carolyn and her post. Instead of telling me I was justified in being miffed by these conversations . . . instead of telling me I could sulk a little while I nursed the red mark left from the sting . . . instead of telling me I was ok to have stonger longings after these conversations . . . instead of telling me that what I was feeling was what every single woman feels and it's just my internal clock ticking . . . instead of making me feel better about the fact that I have to have these conversations . . . Yeah, instead of any of these she tells me this: We all compare ourselves to each other and measure ourselves by each other. But that's pride...

Recent Comments