Saturday, July 21, 2007

i want to be a mommy (I know nothing about Kellie Coffey except for this song.) Many women in my family (including me) have PCOS, which is the leading cause of infertility in women. 1 in 10 women have it. The powerful emotion that this song evokes causes tears to stream down my face. I long to have a family, to be a wife, to be a mom . . . this singer has tapped into my heart of hearts, but even she has more than I do. She has a "husband to love." It would be so easy to be bitter and envious. But you know . . . in reality--in the nitty-gritty-in-your-face-this-is-life reality--I would still choose to be single and childless if it means God is better glorified in my life. Oh, make no mistake, being a wife and a mother is something I really, really want!!! But glorifying God is something I want even more. (Clarification: Not that he wouldn't be glorified if I became a wife and a mom, but only He who knows how he can best be glorified in my life.) Tears continue to fall. He is all-powerful--He can do what he wants when he wants. He is all-good--He is a gracious, loving Father who gives good gifts and keeps his promises. He has met my greatest need of all and blessed me way beyond I deserve. What right do I have to be bitter or envious? None whatsoever. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. (Psalm 73:25) Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:17) And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19) ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Two Additional Thoughts First, you know what else? Even though her song is powerful and brings tears to my eyes each time I watch it, I am not sure I would be willing to die in order to become a wife and a mom. Namely, the pragmatics of it just don't make sense. If I died to become a wife or a mom, well then I can't really be a wife or a mom now can I? I'd be dead. Second, after I first heard this song . . . I later thought about the One who HAS died for me. . . it is humbling. I am grateful for His tender loving mercy and everlasting grace. How undeserving I am! . . . yes, the tears are falling again.

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