following an unknown path

a challenge

John Piper charges women--both married and single--with 15 challenges in this article from his Desiring God site. (Hat tip to Emily at Unfuling Flower.)

Piper also has other resources on Complementarianism in his online library.  And, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, which is edited by Piper and Wayne Grudem, is also available online in a pdf file for download (free).

Go; read; be challenged!

 

huh? you must be married to have a life!?!

I love games.  I always have.   Board games, card games, word games, dice games are all ok by me.  One of the most popular classic American board games--besides Monopoly--is the Game of Life.  But, did you know that in order to play the game of life you must get married?

Genevieve A. Longley wrote a beautiful article inspired after laughing about this game rule and saddened by the fact that many singles live in a holding pattern waiting for life to begin (aka waiting for marriage).  In the article, she tells about how she was waiting for a missionary husband to come along until "finally, one day, God was able to show [her] that He hadn't called [her] at that point to marry a missionary but to be one."

After this "wake up to life call," Genevieve was able to serve the Lord in Argentina for over 12 years in unique ways only someone unmarried could.  She died at the young age of 43 from cancer.  Six months before she died, she wrote these words:

"No one is guaranteed a tomorrow; we each live by the grace of God. Is ours a temporary Dixie Cup® of life or an elegant crystal goblet from which we can drink deeply? Will we as Christian singles buy into the thinking that says we must first be married before starting The Game of Life® or will we choose to say, 'This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.' (Psalm 118:24)"

As unmarried women, we must start life before we are given a marriage partner.  In fact, one is never promised us, nor is it our greatest need (however, a Savior is).  Nonetheless, we can still hope that one day we will be interrupted by a God given husband.  We are able to do so because we can trust God with a hope deferred--we can say with Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah (aka Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego): the God we serve is able to . . . and even if he does not we still choose to worship Him alone (Daniel 3:16-18). 

Not as easy as it sounds, right?  Only by the grace of God are we able to do it. 

Go read Genevieve A. Longley's story. You'll be glad you did.

so, what do i do?

After posting about my official extended singleness and then about a battle with Envy recently, I decided to explore the topic a little more this week.  The thing is, I now know coveting is not good. But what about longing--a strong persistant desire?

It wasn't too long ago that I was void of all longings for marriage. At about the age of 16 or 17, God convicted me of desiring marriage and motherhood more than desiring Him.  I repented of this, and He simply lifted the desire from my h eart.  Early in my college years, I struggled once with a friend getting engaged, and God just laid it out for me:  He was a good God who gave good gifts.  Marriage was a gift; singleness was a gift.  I should celebrate my own gift, and celebrate with others when He gifts them with marriage.  This perspective helped me handle all the future college engagements I would be exposed to. 

Like I have mentioned before, I have never truly dated.  In high school, I always assumed I'd get married in college--just like my mom and dad did.  But, college came and went without even a single date.  But, I didn't really notice.  I was content with serving the Lord and growing closer to Him.

So, for about ten years, I was content.  No dating, no courting, no beaus, no worries.  I was happy learning and growing.  I enjoyed knowing more about the Bible and how to apply it to my life. I learned more about what praise, prayer, and servant leadership meant in practice.

But then . . . sometime within the past year . . . the desire to be a wife and a mother returned.  And it came back strong!  In her book, Carolyn compares the growing of this desire to an alarm clock that gets louder with every beep.  Mine wasn't a soft beep that slowly grew into a louder beep; mine was the kind that has two bells on the side and suddenly blasts into the air out of seemingly no where.

So, what do I do with it? 

First, I acknowledge that it is there---that was actually a huge step for me. Then I must look at what this means.  It could mean that even the longings are sin--that I have taken back what I gave to God.  That I no longer acknowledge his Lordship in my life.  --OR-- It could be that since He is the one who gives desires that He is preparing me for something new.  Getting my heart ready for what is further along in this unknown path. --OR-- Maybe I am just at a point in the path where God is teaching me more about Him and His grace and is using these longings to do the teaching.

So, what can I do? 

I give it back to the One from which it came.  I am honest with Him about what I am feeling and experiencing.  I place my hope in Him alone.  I think there is a difference between desire and coveting.  After I prayed and asked Him to give me discernment about this new desire, as long as He doesn't say "amanda, this desire not from Me. My gift for you is singleness,"  I must guard against coveting but not squelsh the desire--a very fine line to walk.

You know, I'll be honest with ya, as long as the word I had from the Lord was "be single.  Serve me best right now by remaining unmarried." Life was easier.  No date = no worries because I knew God's best was for me to be single.  It wasn't rejection because no one found me attractive--it was obedience.  But, now, if things have changed and marriage is down the road . . . it is much easier to worry about what is wrong with me if no one pursues me.  Much easier to doubt God's soverginity and try to control things myself.

And, to be even more honest, it was easier to allow God to be God.  As long as the word I had from the Lord was to "be single" it was all good because "I" can do that.  "I" can control that.  I am thankful for His help in taking away the desires for ten years; I am thankful for His protection, guidance and grace these ten years.  But, really, it was much easier than where I am now because I didn't have to trust Him with a hope deferred--because there was nothing to hope for before. 

So, what do I do?

Well, I found an excellent book and read it.  In this book, Carolyn McCulley points single women to the Proverbs 31 woman.  Carolyn reminds us that we don't need to wait for a wedding day for our "real life" to begin.  We are to live life now.  She takes a look at each character trait of the Proverbs 31 woman and discusses how we, as single women, can cultivate that trait in our lives right now.  Excellent wisdom.  (I highly reccomend this book to all female members of the extended singleness club.)

Right now, at this moment,  God's will for me is to be single--and He knows why; He also knows whether this will ever change or not. 

So, what am I supposed to do?

I live my life enjoying Him, glorifing Him, and trusting Him that if it is His will one day I will be interrupted. 

envy, jealousy, and covetousness

I first knew about the difference between jeaously and envy in seventh grade when we had a lesson on the difference in meaning between "I am jealous of you" and "I envy you." 

Jealous: afraid of losing something you already have--specifically affection or a position
Envy: wanting something you don't have.

The example our teacher used at the time was a girl and her boyfriend.  The girl who has no boyfriend and wants one is envious of girls who have one.  The girl who has a boyfriend and doesn't like other girls talking to him is full of jealousy.

However, after my last post, I found an article on crosswalk.com entitled Why Not Me? A Single Woman's Struggle with Envy.  The author, Carolyn McCulley, explains the difference between envy and covetousness.

I didn't know about this third one and how it is different until now.  And she is right.

I probably should have used the word covet in my post yesterday--not envy.  According to both her article and dictionary.com envy is longing with resentment towards the person who has what you desire, while coveting is longing for what someone else has.

When I first read this, I actually proudly thought "oh that is good.  I don't resent.  Longing without resentment is better than longing with resentment.  This is not so bad." 

Oh, how easily we can be deceived!  Good thing I kept reading.

Carolyn points out in her article that God deals with coveting what our neighbor has in the tenth commandmant. Basically, if you will recall with me, God tells His people "Thou shalt not covet."  We are not supposed to covet--"wish, long, or crave for (something, especially the property of another person)."  In other words, it is not "not so bad."  It is sin.

You know, it is easy for me to think that I am a "good girl" and for me to give off the image that I am a "good girl" to others.  I do what I am "supposed to." I respect my elders.  I don't do overtly "bad" things.  I do a pretty good job staying away of the "things of the flesh" listed in Galations 5:19-21: sexual immorality, impure thoughts, eagerness for lustful pleasure, idolatry, participation in demonic activities, hostility, quarreling, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, divisions, the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own little group, drunkenness, wild parties, and other kinds of sin."  Those are bad things, obviously. 

But, trust me, I still struggle with sin.  If you are a careful reader (and click thru on scripture references) or if you have memorized this passage of scripture, you will know I left out two of the things in this list of "sinful nature" qualities: jealousy and envy.  God lists envy right next to "participation in demonic activities" and "drunken orgies." 

It is easy for me to allow the hot tears of longing to flow down my cheeks as I hold a friend's newborn.  They feel like they are justified tears, good, healthy tears.  But, really, in all honesty, they are sinful tears.  I am coveting what my neighbor has.  That is not good.  The Bible clearly tells us coveting is wrong.

But there is good news for me--and for others who struggle with longing for the things that others have been blessed with.  We do not have to live under the domain of our sinful nature.  Here is how Carolyn describes it in her article:

As the apostle Paul writes in Titus, we were once enslaved to sins like envy. But then the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared! We were saved, not only from this miserable, sin-filled existence, but from the righteous wrath of God. And not only were we spared, we were made heirs according to the hope of eternal life. Heirs! We live as those who will one day inherit everything! So why do we resent when someone else receives some earthly trinket? (I am making an argument here, but I am not by extension calling marriage and family mere trinkets.) Knowing this, we are then freed to love one another earnestly. We don’t have to covet, envy, and resent what happens to us in this life. We have been set free from these passions because we have been born again of imperishable seed.

Envy and coveteousness can and should be put away.  And, thankfully, I don't have to do it in Amanda's power.  Thankfully, my gracious God has given me his Holy Spirit to help me grow in spiritual maturity to become more like Him.

it happened again

I was surfing a few blogs.  I stumble across cool women about my age or a little younger.  I like what I see and read.  Then it happens. 

I glance at the bios--"wife and mother of three"--then Envy with her long, pointy nails and deep green eyes knocks on the door.  She wants to come in and set up residence in my heart. 

After the third or fourth blog by a young happy-wife-and-mother, I close all the tabs and wonder if I'll be able to find them again, but I know I can't stay on those sites any longer right now.  In fact, I put the laptop to sleep and question whether surfing for new blogs is a good idea at all if I am going to keep encountering blogs by women five years younger than me that are married with children.  How else can I keep Evny from knocking on the door? 

And, then, my heart turns to the only place where I can find refuge.  The one place that without a doubt I can receive solace.  "Oh Daddy-God, I need you." 

In the moments that follow my cry for help, I am reminded of something I read a few weeks ago in Caroyln McCulley's book Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? (which at the moment is MIA, so I can't quote verbaitm).  She pointed out that my greatest need is a Savior.  And, since God has given me the gift of salvation, giving me a husband is a small task; moreover, I can trust Him so much and be so thankful that my greatest need of all--saving grace--has been taken care of.  After reminding me of this truth, He whispered to my heart of hearts "I am God and there is no other.  I am all-loving and all-powerful, all the time.  Trust me."

Ahh.  What a great God we have.  I am so thankful He interacts with us in a very real and personal way.  I am glad He is so very trustworthy.  I am eternally grateful for the free gift of salvation He has given to me.  He is a grace-filled God, and I am a grace-needing sinner.  Praise the Lord!  He is slow to anger and abounding in love.  Nothing is impossible for Him!

(oh, and if you are a young happy-wife-and-mother, please know i rejoice for--not resent--you, but that doesn't mean i still do not struggle with the green-eyed monster of envy when i visit your blog and read your bio.)

it's official

That's right.  It is now official.  I am now (and have been for over a month) in the state of "extended singleness."

That is, at least according to Caroyln McCulley in her book Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?. There is more than one way to join this exclusive group of men and women, but I get to be a card-carrying memeber of the "extended singleness" club because I have a younger sibling who is married.

I was a little worried, selfishly, that I would hear many, many dreaded comments at the wedding.  "So, when are you getting married?"  "You're next!"  "Don't worry; your time will come."  But to my relief, it only happened once--after the bride and groom were on their merry way. 

I am so glad that I was able to celebrate and rejoice in my sister's wedding without anyone reminding me that I was not married.  It helped me so much to enjoy Sarah's wedding.

After Sarah and Chad were pelted with bubbles as they ran to their car, and we had waved goodbye, one of my dear aunts said to me "you're next." 

I told her "well, maybe not."

To which she replied, "We'll just change the colors." 

I then said, "It might not just be that I'm not next.  It might be that I never get married." A look of shock filled her face, and I continued, "and, you know what?  That is perfectly ok." 

And she responded with a hug and the words, "you are right." 

And so, that is how I was initiated into my official state of "extended singleness."  To tell the truth, it wasn't too bad.

P.S. she was saying "you're right" to the fact that it is ok . . . not to the fact that she thinks I will never marry. :)

please interrupt me.

Solo Femininity's Carolyn McCulley used an AWESOME quote yesterday in her blog!!

Courtship reveals how necessary this masculinity is. Many modern young men approach a girl, and they are quite serious as far as their intentions go, but they are afraid of interfering with her life. "You know, she is going to graduate soon, but she wants to go to school at Notre Dame, and I don't really want to go to Notre Dame, and showing interest in her would really disrupt all her plans." But the whole point of courtship is to disrupt a young lady's plans. A godly young woman is not going to stand around waiting for marriage. Rather, she will be preparing herself for marriage. This means she will be heading in some particular direction, and not just marking time. A young man should not be afraid of disrupting, because marriage is by its very nature a disruption of her previous way of life. (Her Hand in Marriage by Douglas Wilson, bolding is mine)

Carolyn adds this in her explaintion/commentary on the quote: "So, we are not to just stand around. We are to be making plans for the future--and praying for godly men who know how to risk interrupting us."

I totally agree with her!!!   Amen! 

Or, as the Message would translate it, "OH YES!!"

mommy-longings amplified

Lately, I have been doing ok in the "fine with being single" area.  Learning to wait and trust.  What has been giving me problems however is the "mommy-longings." 

Being around babies is so great!! 

I was around them all last summer in the States and then now there are two little ones I get to see and hold often.  Just holding one brings me great joy and comfort.  There is a special feeling only to be had when a baby is pressed against you. 

Problem is this--it makes me want my own.  It makes me wonder if I will ever be allowed to be a mother or if I will find my joy always in holding and loving other's babies. 

Unfilled Desires . . .   Unmet longings . . . The tears are falling. 

Here is where rubber meets the road. 

You see, God has been reminding me of how he has worked so beautifully in my life in the past.  He has be telling me about his goodness to me in the past.  Maybe there is a reason he is doing this.  Each episode or post in the why Taiwan series is about me having a desire--a God-given desire--then me trying to scheme for it to become reality, me yeilding to Him, and then God providing in ways amazingly better than I could ever have dreamed of. 

He even very recently has been teaching me in small ways that he really does care about me, that he has compassion for me.

Could it be that he is trying to tell me something?

I hear him whispering . . . "Oh, Amanda, be still.  Don't scheme.  Don't plot and plan.  Trust ME.  I am a good God, and I love you.  I give good gifts--and you can trust that I only give these gifts at the right time.  My way is oh so much better than yours--wait and see.  I will prove I am right."

And I do trust that he is both all good and all powerful.  And I am waiting. 

But to stop the wondering and the envy is hard.  Why are others (especially when they are younger than me) being given these gifts--marriage and motherhood--and I am not? 

Oh Holy Spirit--help me to live beyond myself; help me to be different than I am.  Oh, and Jesus, thank you so much for giving those around me babies for me to love on.  I really like it a lot. 

He does what he wants

I was sharing the gospel with a dear friend last week.  As he was asking me different questions, he asked me one that went something like this, "So, you wanna get married right?"

"Well, yes."

"So, even if you never get married, do you still trust Him and love Him?"

My friend knew how to get to my heart of hearts, but the answer is simply, "Yes."

"Ok, so, what if you never get married and lots and lots of bad things happen to you for the rest of your life, are you still going to worship Him and call him good?"

"Well, yes." 

If there ever comes a time like that, I know that won't be easy and I am not saying I won't wrestle with it, but God is either all good all the time or He is not good at all.  He is all powerful all the time or he is not in control at all.  I don't get to choose what God's character is based on the circumstances around me.

At a ladies retreat I went to this past weekend, the speaker pointed out that usually when we face a crisis of belief these are the two character traits of God we struggle with most.  Some of us will declare "well, God is all powerful, but he must not be all good (or he would have prevented this)," while others of us will claim, "God is good, but he must not be all powerful (or he would have stopped this)."  But, both of these are lies.

The beauty of God's sovereignity is "his absolute right to do all things according to his own good pleasure" (Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary).  Nothing in that statement says I have the right to understand or approve of what He is doing.   As Job puts it "But he is singular and sovereign. Who can argue with him? He does what he wants, when he wants to" (23:13).

I must choose to trust His heart.  I must choose to trust how He has revealed Himself to me and to my ancestors in the past.  I must choose to trust that He is who He says He is in His Word. 

So, then, let's celebrate our sovereign Lord.  Let's delight in the fact that in all things and in all ways forever and always He alone--an all-powerful, all-good God--is supreme, is in complete control.

"How great you are, O Sovereign LORD! There is no one like you–there is no other God. We have never even heard of another god like you! . . . For you are God, O Sovereign LORD. Your words are truth, and you have promised these good things to me, your servant.  And now, may it please you to bless me and my family so that our dynasty may continue forever before you. For when you grant a blessing to your servant, O Sovereign LORD, it is an eternal blessing!"  (2 Samuel 7:22, 28-29)

patiently longing

I never know when it will strike or why it strikes.  But, it has been striking more and more frequently recently. 

"What is that?" you might ask. 

Well, it is kind of indescribable.  I guess it is best called a longing.  Something inside of me longs to know that which I have never known before--to know and be known by a man, to have a husband.

I think what sparked it this time was contact with old friends.  Two friends from my chuch youth group (10-15 years ago--oh my) who got married this past fall/winter recently sent me pictures from their weddings. 

 

I am happy for them. 

Yet, at the same time, a little piece of me asks, "when will it be my turn?"  However, even though there is that deep longing that comes at will it never leaves me hopeless, it always leaves me hopeful.  Knowing that there will be nothing to regret by waiting for God and His infallible timing.

contentment and grace

Not too long ago, I wrote about how hard it is to be content (with singleness) and how I longed to know Paul's reciepe of contentment that he writes about in Philippians.

Tonight, I stumbled on to an article by Carolyn McCulley about Contentment in the Wait.  Near the end of her article she says:

Contentment calls for humility. We have to intentionally humble ourselves under God’s mighty hand when our circumstances don’t work out to our liking. Without a doubt, it is humbling to go year after year with a hope deferred! It’s very humbling to keep showing up at family events as the only single sibling, or to go to the wedding of a former boyfriend without a date. But we have to remember that, as Christian women, we’re not here to promote our personal success stories, anyway. We’re here as trophies of grace — broken clay jars carrying around incredibly valuable treasure. Even if the Lord should grant our petition for marriage and a family, our witness and purpose do not change. Only our circumstances change. [emphasis mine]

I had forgotten that I am a trophy of grace.  For most of my life, I have spent too much time trying to earn my already gifted salvation trying to prove my worth.  What a joy it is to celebrate that I am a trophey of grace.  How underserving I am to be one--but I guess that is the whole point! 

I mean . . . really now. . . imagine that!  God considers me a trophy--a symbol of success or victory--that he prominetly displays in his dwelling place.  He is proud of his work in my life.  He was victorious, and I am the trophy.  The trophy of grace.  I am not on display on his heavenly shelf because of the things I have done . . . but because of of what he has done.  Just like athletes earn the trophys they receive, it was God who did the work in me.

As a sidenote: Carolyn alludes to the same concept that I blogged about a few days ago, she just approaches it in a slightly different light.  Its not the focus of her article, but she reminds me again that my goal in life--to know and make known God, to glorify him by enjoying him--does not change if I one day wed.

Father, may my contentment be found in you alone.  Thank you for placing valuable treasure in this messed-up broken clay jar.

the gifts of singleness and marriage

The desire to be a wife and mother has been lingering in my heart for a few months now.  When I was 16 or 17, God and I had a conversation.  I had just found out I had PCOS and might not be able to have children.  At that time in my life, all I wanted to be was a wife and mother.  To be a stay at home mom was my career goal.  I was an avid Elisabeth Elliot reader and had several other books on my selves such as A Good Man is Hard to Find Unless You Ask God to be the Head of Your Search Commitee.

My conversation with God went something like this:
God: Amanda, would you be willing to not have children if it meant serving me better?
Amanda: But, God, I love children and want to be a mother so much.  However, now I know I might not be able to birth children, could I adopt?
God: My question is: would you be willing to not be a mother if it means serving me better?
Amanda: Oh.  Well, I would be very sad if I could not be a mother, but if I could serve you better, then OK; I am willing.
God:  What about being a wife?  Would you be willing to be single if it meant serving me better?
Amanda: Yes, Lord, if it means serving you better.  Yes, I am willing.

After that conversation, I realized that books about singleness and marriage were more important to me than my Bible.  I also had great peace about being single and enjoyed growing closer to God and finding out some of his neat plans for my life that never could have happened if I had followed my own "life plan."

Then it came time for college.  My friends and classmates started dating and getting married.  It was very hard to not be jealous of them.  It was at this time that God and I had another discussion.  He showed me 1 Corthians 7.  He convinced me that my friends were exchanging their gift of singleness for the gift of marriage, but that my singleness was still a gift.  That I should celebrate with them, knowing my God is a good gift giver (Matthew 7) and both mine and their gifts were good.  Again, I had peace about being single and was able to celebrate with my friends.

I have never truly been on "a date."  I am now almost 28.  American media makes fun of people who haven't had sex in a month or even in a week--I have now gone my whole life without a real date and with never even being kissed by a man.  Oh, what would the media do with that?!?  But this is an off topic blip in my post. 

My point is this: for the first time in over 10 years, I am starting to long for marriage and motherhood again.  Why now?  Is it me not being wholly satisified in my Father?  Is it because my younger sister is getting married?  Is it because my best friend from college became a mother this year? Or, is it because my Father is stirring up the desires of my heart because something is going to change?    

In November, I read 1 Corinthians 7 nearly every morning.  I really like verse 17: "And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life."  And I wrote about my longings in my first blog in June and November.   

When I read 1 Corinthins 7 again this fall . . . 2 things stuck out to me 1) I can use my time as a single to become more intimate with my Savior and 2) "marriage is spiritually and morally right and not inferior to singleness in any way" in other words marriage is not a step up or a step down from singleness. 

I was just now surfing the net when I found an article by Albert Hsu entiled "Demystifying The Gift Of Singleness."  The end of his article further explains/supports the second idea above:

Furthermore, the gift of singleness does not determine an unalterable lifelong destiny. In fact, everybody starts out with the gift of singleness. The "gift" of singleness is descriptive, not restrictive. It does not prevent singles from getting married if they so desire and circumstances permit. Neither singleness nor marriage is a permanent state; both can be temporary.

In addition, the metaphor of a gift exchange affirms that singleness and marriage are gifts of equal value. It is rude to refuse a gift, to tell a giver that you don't want what you received and throw it back in his or her face. However, it can be entirely appropriate to exchange a gift for a different one of equal value. Think about taking a Christmas gift back to the store. You can't exchange it for something that's more expensive. But you can exchange it for something of the same value.

So it is with marriage and singleness. When a single gets married, it is not a promotion, a step up to a more valued position, as though marriage were a more expensive Christmas gift. Rather, it is an exchange of one gift for another of equal value.

Still not sure what my heart is doing right now or why it is doing it.  Still not sure what I am longing for.  But I do still rest in the One who gives good gifts and trust Him alone to satisify my desires.

my desire to be content

滿足. . . content.

It is not easy to be content.
要滿足是不容易的

In a letter to the Corinthians, Paul says, "God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.  . . . don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life."

In another letter, this one to the Philippians, Paul says, "actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances.  I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty.  Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.  . . . You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus."

Oh, if only I knew his recipe! because it is not easy to be content. 要滿足是不容易的.

I love my life.  I enjoy doing what I am doing.  Yet, deep inside I ache for a family . . .  for a man to love me and protect me, to care for me and provide for me, to be there for me in sickness and in health . . . for a baby to grow inside of me, for a baby to feed from me, for a child to call me mommy.

Oh, if only I knew his recipe! because it is not easy to be content. 
要滿足是很不容易的

I long to be content.
我渴望滿足但是要滿足是不容易的

It is not easy to be content.

i am

I am a daughter. 
I am a granddaughter.
I am a sister.
I am a friend.
I am a teacher.
I am a missionary.
I am a writer.
I am an employee.
I am a tenant.
I am a co-worker.
I am a student.
I am an ErHu player (albeit a beginner).
I am a cyclist.
I am a foreigner.
I am an American.
I am a Christian.
I am a sinner.
I am a woman.
I am many things . . . even more than this short list.

But there are two things I am not.
I am not a wife.  I am not a mother.
Two things I am beginning to long to be.

 

To long for something . . .
to want something very much;
to have an earnest, heartfelt desire, especially for something beyond reach;
渴望.

And, yet, even with these longings beginning to grow in my innerself, I am completely at peace. I know my Heavenly Father is always in control.  I say with confidence that He has promised to give me every good gift.  So, if marriage and motherhood are good gifts for me, they will one day be mine.  I know He has also told me that when I delight myself in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart.  So, for now, I will be my Father's child.  I will be His alone and continue to find delight in Him.

even more about amanda

I live in KaoHsiung County in southern Taiwan. This is my fifth year to live in Taiwan, and I enjoy Taiwan very much. I live in Taiwan because God brought me here to show the Taiwanese people His Love for them.

I am in Taiwan as a tentmaker--I support my missionary work by teaching college courses. I teach public speaking, biz English conversation, and English composition (the essay) regularly.  I have also taught Songs for EFL Teaching, Movie English, Internet English, listening, and pronunciation.

I graduated with my master's degree in Foreign Language Education (2003) from the University of Texas at Austin. I received my bachelor's in communication theory from Dallas Baptist University (2000).

My mom, dad, and kid brother, Sam, live near Austin, Texas.  Both my parents are teachers, and my dad is also a bi-vocational pastor.  My sister, Sarah, and my brother-in-law, Chad, both work for the Arlington Police department.  Everyone in my family enjoys laughing--and laughing loud--something I didn't realize on my own (an "outsider" pointed it out to me).

I am single, which is something I would love to be changed. :) 

And, last but definitely not least, I am a daughter of the King. I am saved by grace--something I of course do not deserve!  I desire for all that I am and all that I do to bring glory to God.  I desire to know him and make him known--this desire is the foundation of all that I am.

Thanks for stopping by following an unknown path!  I hope you find something that "tickles your fancy!"