following an unknown path

living my dream (aka: doing my man's laundry)

Summer vacation is not here for me quite yet.  Grades are due this Friday.  And, Lawrance just started working full time two weeks ago (YAY!!  PTL for his new promotion from part-time teacher to director of the English program!!) .

Everyone keeps asking me what I'm doing for my summer break.  I reply "just being a housewife." 

Without exception every Taiwanese friend, student, and stranger I've had this conversation with then expresses their sympathies for me, trying to cheer me up.

What they don't realize is that I need no cheering up.  I am SO looking forward to the month of July where I get to be a full time housewife for the first time in my life.  I've already enjoyed these past two weeks of laundry and washing dishes . . . it's so much easier and more enjoyable when I can do it during my day as time allows and as my work for the day rather than as a chore I must squeeze in before going to work.

They don't get it.

 I don't know.  Maybe you won't either . . . maybe you think, "silly girl, wait to you've done ten (twenty, thirty) years of your man's dirty laundry--then we'll talk about the 'joy' you have then."

They also worry about me being lonely being home alone all day.  How could I possibly look forward to being home alone all day with nothing to do but take care of the home? 

Depending on the situation and/or depth of the relationship, I will remind them that not too long ago I was living alone all day everyday.  Now, I have someone to anticipate coming home to me.  Now, I get to eagerly wait for him to call me and return back to me.  It's WAY better than living alone 24/7. 

 And, crazy as it may sound, it is way more fun to clear the table, change the sheets, dust the furniture, or what-have-you when I know I am blessing someone else.  When it was just me living here . . . OH it was SO miserable "keeping house." 

I hated it with a passion. 

I secretly wondered if I'd even make a good wife.  My married friends were able to manage their households of 3 or 4 or 5 . . . . and me?  well, I was struggling with my little household of 1.  :( 

I know I wouldn't score perfectly in housekeeping 101 (I thank God my hubby is so patient and understanding), but I do know (again, crazy as it may sound) keeping house is a lot more fun and rewarding and joyful when I'm not the only one making the messes. ;)

So, yes, I totally look forward to a "boring" summer of being a stay-at-home wife.  I'll be honest: it almost feels as if I get to "play" at being a house keeping wife.  I'm all giddy and happy about it.  Is it weird that I feel that way?

And, actually, it feels like I'm getting to live my dream.  For the latter half of my 20's I dreamed about being married . . . I longed to have someone's socks to wash and underwear to fold.  

Speaking of . . . I think there's a basket a clean laundry awaiting me in the other room right now as I speak!

flowers fade

I love flowers.  Please don't get me wrong!  I am not being pestimistic.  I promise you.

But this week, as I was cleaning off the hot zone of my dinning room table, it was time for my 30-cents flowers to be thrown away.   They had lost their brilliant purple and shinny yellow.  They were no longer stretching this way and that displaying their beauty.

But as I gathered them and was reaching for the trash, I thought to myself, "the grass withers, and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever"  which comes from Isaiah 40:8.

So, instead of tossing them, I hung them upside down to dry. 

Its true.  The beauty of flowers--even though I enjoy it greatly (especially the "smiley flowers"--you know sunflowers, daisys, and so on)--doesn't last forever.  Their beauty fades, rather fleetingly if you ask me.  But, God's word?  Nope it never, ever will fade.  Now that really is something to smile about! :)

Here are more shots of my faded flowers (and even though they made some fun pictures, they pale [yes, pun was intended] in comparison to the originals):

www.flickr.com

my fresh flowers

I bought some flowers for 10 NT (about 30 US cents) for my dinning room table.

They have lasted over 2.5 weeks now. And, they are now more beautiful than when I bought them (most of them opened up at my home).

My buying of fresh flowers is thanks to be flywashed by Flylady!!

seeing time--add on

Oh!  I thought of the other main thing I wanted to say in my last post!  Better late than never, right?

Another aspect of the leave time vs. arriving time is going to bed (and this is flylady's idea).  Instead of saying to myself "be in bed by 11:00." I tell myself, "start getting ready for bed by 10:30."  That way if I am sleepy, I go through my before bed routine fast and am asleep soon.  But, if I am not sleepy, I am still on my way to bed but am able to spend more time reading without feeling guilty and without a computer screen in my face stopping me from feeling the "sleepies."

As a result, I have been blessed because I never lie awake in bed unable to sleep.  If it takes me more than 3 minutes to fall asleep after I turn out the light then I consider that a long time to go to sleep! 

seeing time

One way Flylady has changed me is in the way I see time. 

First of all, I no longer see hours.  I see sets of 15 minutes.  For example, "I am meeting friends at 2, and it is now almost 12:30.  That means I have 6 sets of 15 minutes.  That means I can get 5 things done and take a little 'me time' too." 

I didn't even realize this had changed until this morning when I was going to the breakfast stand and thought, "alright, I have 8 sets of 15 min; what am I going to get done this morning?" 

Another thing that has changed about how I think about time is I no longer think about the arriving time--I only think about the departing time.  When my friend asked me, when are you going to be here, I answered with "I will leave here are 4:45.  So, I should be there between 5 and 5:30."  This way I don't have to feel guilty about heavy traffic and rush to get there at a very specific time.  All I need to do is be faithful and leave at 4:45.  So, how does this work with other things that start at a specific time? 

Well, since I live in Taiwan, I don't have to worry too much with appointments.  At many doctors' offices we are given numbers, and I know approx. when number 42 should be called so I will just leave my house at a certain time.  If I am there and he is still at 30, its ok because I brought something to do.  If I am there and he is on number 48, its ok because the nurse will work me in next.  (At other doctors' offices they don't have "appointment numbers," I just show up and know I will be seen within about 15 minutes.) 

So, here in Taiwan, the only thing I really have to show up at a certain time for is class.  (And even that is relative as most teachers just show up within the first 10 minutes of class after the bell.)  However, I still do my "I will leave here by . . ." thing for school to.  I know I live a 5 minute walk from school, so I just tell myself that I will leave 15 minutes before I need to be at school. 

Thus, on my calender, I have leave times, not arrive times written down.  This has made a world of difference for me.  (I'm not sure if this last thing is a "flylady" thing, but it changed as I became a flybaby--so I'm still giving her credit for changing this in me.)

Oops, I have now gone over into my next 15 minute block by 2 minutes.  I gotta jet for now.  Off to do some room rescuing!!

the blessings of using a timer

Heather from Mom 2 Mom Connection wrote for the Carnival of Beauty this week about seeing "the boundaries of time as a blessing in order to keep [her] balanced."

I too have learned to love a timer recently.  I use them both at home and at school. 

My students got used to me using them in the classroom, but they think it is funny that I also use them at home.  I have three in my house--one on my fridge, one by my computer, and one in a central location in my home--and thanks to flylady.net they are all set to 15 minutes.

But, using a timer has been such a blessing for me.  Here is why:

--a timer lets me feel successful.  It tells me "yea! you did it! you can stop now."  otherwise, as a perfectionist, I can't stop till it is perfect.

--it lets me focus completely on my task.  I don't have to keep looking at the clock to see how much time has passed. (In class this means, I can say 20 min to finish this and then spend all my energy helping students without worrying about really using 30 or 40 min on the task--allowing me to follow my lesson plans for successfully.)

--it lets me do things I never would do otherwise.  I often think things take longer than they really do.  But doing it for 15 min is do-able--I am always surprised just how much really can be done in 15 min.

--helps me manage my day.  There are times--like today--when I have "15 min days."  I have a list of things that need to be done and take 15 min to spend on each task; after 15 min, I switch and do something else. 

When I first found flylady, I ignored her advice about a timer.  Now, I wish I had not--it is the best thing I have  found for manging my time and being productive.  Like Heather, my timer and setting time boundaries have truly been a blessing. 

The one I use at school is really cool--it is like a stoplight (the pic for this blog).  It lets us visually see how much more time we have left.  I got it from a company called Learning Resources.

learning to say "no"

My mom has a cute plaque in her house that proclaims "Stress is what happens when your gut says 'no' but your mouth says 'yes.'"

As one who longs to please others, I thought I had to do it all.  If someone at church asked me to do something, without even thinking I would respond "sure!"  If one of my friends asked if I was free, as long as that spot on the calender was open regardless of what I had personally planned for that time, I answered "of course!"  Only thing is that later, I would regret my "yes."  I would begrudgingly go--mad at myself and resenting the person who asked me.  Or even worse yet, sometimes I would call at the last minute and cancel. 

In some warped way, I thought telling all people "yes" all the time is what I was supposed to do.  I was being a "good girl."  But, really telling people "yes" made me angry, stressed, resentful, tired, and at times even unreliable.

In America, full time for college classes is considered 12 hours.  My second semester, I took 18 hours, worked part-time, and was a member of at least half a dozen groups, and my door was always open to visitors, and I never said "no" to anyone  Why?  I wanted it all.  I wanted to please people and make friends and graduate on time because "I was perfect." 

Once, at about midnight, I was in the midst of complaining to my roommate that I was stressed and tired and worn out from school work and always helping people.  Knock!  Knock!  Knock!  An sweet international student was at our door, "Amanda, I need help. I can't . . . . by myself.  Will you please come?"  As, the words, "sure I will" were forming in my mouth, my roommate placed her hand on my shoulder, "she can't tonight, but I can." 

Why?  Why could I not say no? 

I had several conversations with a dear college friend, Melissa, who began to share with me her convictions about how God had not designed us to be so busy and stressed.  That we were to live more simply and enjoy him and enjoy who he had created us to be.  I saw how much peace she had, how she enjoyed doing what she did choose to do, and how effective her impact was on campus.  She might not ever have known it, but she was the one who taught me that it was ok to say "no."

After that semester, I never took more than 12 hours a semester.  I choose my classes carefully, and I only graduated one semester late (and that was because I chose to be a exchange student for a year).  I carefully selected to be a part of the one group that matched my talents and gifts.  And, I began to feel free to tell people no.  Life was worth living again.  I wasn't so stressed.  I enjoyed my courses.  I enjoyed helping people again.  There was joy in the service--not guilt and resentment and frustration.

I also had a classmate who was legally blind.  He often needed help.  He was actually one of the first people I told "no."  He asked for something that wasn't pressing on a week of a big test.  Years later, he told me, "Amanda, would you like to know why I feel comfortable asking you for help?"  Of course I would.  "Well, you were able to tell me 'no.'  If someone, tells me 'no,' I know I can always ask and not ever become a burden to them." 

Now as a tent-making missionary who teaches college students there are many, many things that can fill my time.  I have choosen to keep things simple.  To invest fully in the things God has created me for rather than the things "I could do because I have time for them" or "I could do because someone asked me to do them."  That doesn't mean the welcome sign on my door is gone and that I am a hermit.  It simply means, I no longer feel guilt when I say "no."  It means I choose wisely my commitments and how I spend my time.  It means my "yes" is truly a "yes, I'd love to."

Taiwanese people do not understand why I don't easily add a few classes for lots of extra money--I am single, have no kids, why not fill every waking moment with money making opportunities while I can?  Well, its simple really, I want to be the most effective Amanda I can in order to glorify my God.  If I don't have time to rest, to be with Him, and to refuel, I am not effective and can't enjoy life or Him. 

Knowing my limitations is a beautiful thing.  Being able to say no--to myself and others--is not easy for this reformed people-pleaser and perfectionist, but the benefits it yields are well worth it for me and for those who ask for my time!