following an unknown path

wu mama

We found out this week that Lawrance's mom has stage 3 liver cancer.   We've been told to expect her time left on earth to not be very long. 

My husband and his siblings are in the midst of making lots of decisions, trying how to provide the best care for their mother and father right now.  

We would very much appreciate prayers for the Wu family right now. 

The one praise this week has been that Wu MaMa accepted Christ as her savior on Wednesday.  After Lawrance shared his testimony, a dear Christian friend invited Wu MaMa to believe and she did. Father is merciful to the end.  I am so thankful for his patience and mercy!!  Praise Him!

So, in the midst of a heartbreaking situation there is hope. 

Right now, I will just leave it at this . . . we thank you for going to the Father on our behalf.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? 
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. 
Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. 

The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. 
The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

(Psalm 121)

there is hope

I was crying within 5 minutes of listening to this Focus on the Family program, and tears streamed down my cheeks for the rest of Ann Kiemel's talk.

She talks about her desiring to have a baby and her struggles with miscarriages and adoption.

Just a small taste . . .

I knew I had a choice.  I could make sorrow my friend or my enemy.  Sorrow could make me hard and cold and bitter or Sorrow could be my best friend and teach me things I had never learned before.  I reached out and took Sorrow's hand in that quite moment.  She removed all the sham and fluff from my life.  She taught me what it is to be real. She taught me what it really is to celebrate because only when you really know sorrow do you know how to laugh.  She taught me what it is to love; it is to be vulnerable.  It's to hold you hand out and to never hang on to anything.  It's to let Jesus take out or put in anything he wants, and it is to say yes.

If you are waiting for a husband or baby or struggling with sorrow, listen.  (On the Focus on the Family page click "listen now.")  It will be 15 minutes well spent.

HT: Kelly's Korner 

someone to walk this unknown path with

This is our story of God's grace . . .

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

It's a simple story really.
Two people learning to trust God.
Two winding paths that God made straight.
Two straight paths that He choose to cross at just the right time. 
. . .
The Creator of romance, the Maker who arranged the first "boy meets girl" in the Garden so long ago, is still at work. [Taken from Joshua Harris' book Boy Meets Girl]

When I read those words months ago when I first started dating the man I will soon marry . . . I knew those were the words I wanted to use on my blog to announce my engagement!! :)

Needless to say a lot has happened recently.  God has been kind, very kind!!

Some of you found out that I had a boyfriend in real life, some of you found out by email, but for many of you this is coming as a total shock and surprise.  :) 

I promise I didn't just decide yesterday to marry the guy next to me on the bus.  And, I also promise that we didn't keep our relationship secret from our family and in-real-life friends.  We just choose to keep our relationship off the blog for a couple of reasons. 

And, that is really what made blogging these past few months difficult . . . I couldn't blog about what I really wanted to . . . and I was kinda busy spending time with the man of my dreams. :)
 
We are working on putting our story online, so those of you who have not been walking next to us as God brought us together and we fell in love can praise God with us now as we tell our story of His grace in our lives.

You can go to our wedding site and/or wedding blog to read more, but here are the basic details:
Lord willing, Lawrance Aaron Wu and I will be married on August 31, 2008 in Texas. 
We will have another celebration here in Taiwan at the end of the year, and we will continue to live, work, and minister in Taiwan--just together, rather than apart. :)

Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us! What joy!  (Psalm 126:3 NLT)

This coming Monday, I will, Lord willing, leave Taiwan and go Stateside for a little over two months.  I will leave single, but return married to an awesome man who loves the Lord and has a heart that beats strongly to share the gospel with the lost.  What a blessing!!

We would appreciate your prayers for us as we make all the transitions that we will face in the coming weeks and months.  Our greatest desire is for God to be glorified, please pray that as we wrap up things here, transition to a different country for awhile, and plan for both a wedding and a life together that we can keep our focus on Christ alone.

33

Thanks to Marianne for sharing this beautiful song entitled 33 by Corrinne May.

Corrinne, new-to-me muscian, grew up in Singapore; she wrote this song as she reflected on turning 33.

amanda is ok too

Thank you to all of you who inquired about me and (as eija put it) my "bday funk."

I'll get totally honest here for a minute and explain my more cryptic statement from the original post the day after my birthday.  This one:

It is so easy to become envious of others . . . it is so easy to see what I think I lack . . . it is so easy to be selfish . . . it is so easy to sin.  Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.

See, it is not really turning 30 that bothered me.  I have been feeling older (especially with my knee giving me trouble, but more about that on another day), but I don't feel "old" yet. 

The center of the matter is that I was turning 30 and still single.  I've seen all kinds of "mommy blogs" in the past few months where women turning 30 talked about how blessed they were with their loving husbands and cute kids treating them so special on their big day. 

Many people are quick to remind me that "yes, you're single but look at how God is using you."  But, there are also married women who are thirty years old with several children who are overseas missionaries too.  This position is not limited to single women.

Although VERY well meaning . . . comments like that only feed one of the myths we single women are led to believe: "God views me more as a useful tool than a beloved child."

People have often told me, "God has allowed you to be single so you might do these things for Him!" While I know these people are seeking to encourage me, my gut reaction is, Why me? It's true that God may set us apart for a season of singleness, but that doesn't mean He is indifferent to our dreams.

Matthew 7:11 says, "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" God views you a cherished child — never a utilitarian object. A loving Father will give you good gifts at just the right time.

My comfort in being 30 and still single can not come from whether or not "God is using me."  It must come from who He is . . . God of all creation, the Author of my life's story, the One who clears this unknown path I am walking on.  My comfort and hope must come only from trusting the One who is eternally both all-good and all-powerful.

See, the problem on my 30th birthday was this: my eyes were one me.  "Why so downcast, O, my soul?"  Because I was not placing my hope where it should rightly be.  And, honestly, I didn't want to either--I wanted to "just this once have the right to be discontent."

Praise the Lord for being quick to forgive!

And, praise Him too for, once again, placing a song in my heart! :)

Well I wanna thank you now
For being patient with me
Oh it's so hard to see
When my eyes are on me
I guess I'll have to trust
And just believe what you say

(This is the chorus of the awesome song "Make My Life a Prayer" by Keith Green, one of my all time favorite musicians.)

Happy Ressurection Day!!

O Lord,

No day of my life has passed that has not proved me guilty in they sight.  . . . My best services are filthy rags.  Blessed Jesus, let me find a covert in they appeasing wounds.

Grant me to hear thy voice assuring me:

that by thy stripes I am healed,
that thou wast bruised for my iniquities,
that thou hast been made sin for me,
that I might be righteous in thee,
that my grievous sins, my manifold sins, are all forgiven,
buried in the ocean of thy concealing blood.

I am:

guilty, but pardoned,
lost, but saved,
wandering, but found,
sinning, but cleansed.

Give me perpetual broken-heartedness, keep me always clinging to they cross, flood me every moment with descending grace . . .

(Excerpts from The Valley of Vision's "The Broken Heart.")

from my 1999 journal

In the summer of 1999, I moved to Taiwan to be an exchange student for a year.  It was a very difficult summer.  I recently came across my journal from that year as an exchange student.  Reading the pages brings tears to my eyes--what a life changing experience. 

Tucked inside the front cover was this:

This summer I struggled with the conflict between the God I know and the situations I found myself in.  It was this last month in my time alone with Him that God both convicted me and comforted me with "I am your Father, what child would I forsake?  When you are in my will, all is well." 

Our feelings and experiences provide inaccurate pictures of God.  Accuracy should be left to history and Scripture.  God showed me that I need to remember that revelation has priority over experience!

When we base our decisions and faith solely on experiences and emotions, we might miss Truth.  What an important, but difficult, lesson to learn.

my struggle with evangelical piety

As I was skimming through this article, Has God Called You?, by Albert Mohler, I nodded in TOTAL agreement to the bolded part below.

One key issue here is a common misunderstanding about the will of God. Some models of evangelical piety imply that God's will is something difficult for us to accept. We sometimes confuse this further by talking about "surrendering" to the will of God. As Paul makes clear in Romans 12:2, the will of God is good, worthy of eager acceptance, and perfect. Those called by God to preach will be given a desire to preach as well as the gifts of preaching. Beyond this, the God-called preacher will feel the same compulsion as the great Apostle, who said, "Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!" [1 Corinthians 9:16, ESV]

Consider your calling. Do you sense that God is calling you to ministry, whether as pastor or another servant of the Church? Do you burn with a compulsion to proclaim the Word, share the Gospel, and care for God's flock? Has this call been confirmed and encouraged by those Christians who know you best?

God still calls . . . has He called you?

When I was finishing up grad school in 2002-2003, I was faced with "what next?" 

I actually considered the fact that I desired to be in Taiwan a sign that it must not be God's will for me.  I actually thought that I should have to struggle and surrender to a task that I didn't want to do in order for it to be pleasing to God. 

WHAT!?!?!  Why would I think such a thing?

So, I started looking at other countries.  Some friends in Japan had invited me to come work along side them, so I replied with interest.  I began to look at organizations that I could serve with in China. 

Then another terrible thought occurred to me . . . "what if it is not Asia?"  So, I contemplated South America and Africa. 

I cannot explain in mere words what this was doing to my heart.  I was willing to follow God anywhere He wanted to send me, but I was sure that meant I must suffer, that I couldn't be happy or joyful about it.  Why I fell prey to this evangelical piety line of thinking remains to me a mystery.

However, this reopening of looking for a place to go was making me much like those waves in the first chapter of James--driven and tossed by the wind.  I remember in at least one sermon long ago, my dad compared that Greek word used there to the agitation cycle of a washing machine.  The twist and turn, twist and turn of all that water going no where.  Yep, that what it was . . .  my heart stuck in a perpetual spin-cycle of emotion.

By God's merciful grace, a godly couple I had met on a mission trip to Hong Kong some years before were in town and wanted to meet up.  As we sat in the Chinese restaurant, and I poured out my heart, expressing my desire to follow God suffer for God. 

Oh, I will never, ever forget the looks on their faces.  I was unable to discern the falsehood of the evangelical piety lies I had fallen subject to, but they sure were able to.  They responded first in utter shock to the words spewing from my mouth and then with loving kindness spoke scripture to me. 

For the first time in months, I was able to see that when we follow God's will there IS joy.  And that is OK.  That being obedient, although not easy and not without sacrifice, is a thing that is full of joy and happiness.  Oh how everything changed that day!  Praise God for the people in our lives who speak the truth in love to us!

Please don't hear me wrong--being obedient is not easy.  But that doesn't mean it must be a dreadful, terrible thing that we will hate doing.  God is kind.  Like that second quote by Betty Scott Stam I posted two weeks ago, when we release the little trinkets we've been clinging to, He replaces them with precious treasures.  Letting go of those little trinkets might seem hard at the time, but accepting those precious treasures?  Never. 

Our God is a God who gives desires to His children who delight in him.  How neat is that!?!  Oh, what a great God He is!!

God's will is good and acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:2).  Amen!

cruel mercy

When the sun shines--the ice melts. When the Sun of righteousness once shines with beams of grace upon the soul--then it melts in mercy and tenderness.

Mercifulness is a melting disposition whereby we lay to heart the miseries of others, and are instrumental for their good. We must chiefly be merciful to the SOULS of others. Indeed soul-mercy is the chief of mercies.

That is a cruel mercy--when we see men go on in sin, and we let them alone. And that is a merciful cruelty--when we are sharp against men's sins and will not let them go to hell quietly.

Fond sentimentality is no better than cruelty. The surgeon cuts and lances the flesh—but it is in order to a cure. They are healing wounds. So when we lance men's consciences and let out the blood of sin, we exercise spiritual surgery. This is showing mercy.

"Rescue others by snatching them from the fire!" (Jude 23). If a man had fallen into the fire, though you hurt him a little in pulling him out--he would be thankful and take it as a kindness.  Some men, when we tell them of sin say, 'O, you are unloving!'  No!  it is showing mercy.

If a man's house were on fire, and another should see it and not tell him of it, for fear of waking him--would not this be cruelty? When we see others sleeping in their sin, and the fire of God's wrath ready to burn them up--and we are silent--is not this cruelty?

(Thomas Watson, 1660, "The Beatitudes." Public Domain as seen on Grace Gems.)

overwhelmed by generosity

Deb, one of my very first blog readers (by the way I don't think I ever replied to that first comment.  I never answered her question, and yet she still came back for more), was a HUGE encouragement when I first started blogging. 

And, just recently she was HUGE encouragement to me in another way . . . she sent me a box of goodies full of wonderful stuff (shhh . . .don't tell anyone but that box of thin mints is already empty).   She made me a dishcloth in my new kitchen colors, and she picked out a book for me that has several pages about journeys and paths (I'm not sure if that was on purpose or not, but I love it!!).  She even sent me a sunflower from her garden--how fun!!  And, there were lots of other goodies inside too.  I was TOTALLY overwhelmed by her kindness as I opened the package this week. 

Thank you, Deb, for being so thoughtful and kind and overwhelming me with your generosity! 

i want to be a mommy

(I know nothing about Kellie Coffey except for this song.)

Many women in my family (including me) have PCOS, which is the leading cause of infertility in women.  1 in 10 women have it. 

The powerful emotion that this song evokes causes tears to stream down my face.  I long to have a family, to be a wife, to be a mom . . . this singer has tapped into my heart of hearts, but even she has more than I do.  She has a "husband to love." 

It would be so easy to be bitter and envious.

But you know . . . in reality--in the nitty-gritty-in-your-face-this-is-life reality--I would still choose to be single and childless if it means God is better glorified in my life.  Oh, make no mistake, being a wife and a mother is something I really, really want!!!  But glorifying God is something I want even more.  (Clarification: Not that he wouldn't be glorified if I became a wife and a mom, but only He who knows how he can best be glorified in my life.)

Tears continue to fall.

He is all-powerful--He can do what he wants when he wants. 

He is all-good--He is a gracious, loving Father who gives good gifts and keeps his promises.  He has met my greatest need of all and blessed me way beyond I deserve. 

What right do I have to be bitter or envious?  None whatsoever.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. (Psalm 73:25)

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:17)

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Two Additional Thoughts
First, you know what else? Even though her song is powerful and brings tears to my eyes each time I watch it, I am not sure I would be willing to die in order to become a wife and a mom.  Namely, the pragmatics of it just don't make sense.  If I died to become a wife or a mom, well then I can't really be a wife or a mom now can I?  I'd be dead. 

Second, after I first heard this song . . . I later thought about the One who HAS died for me.  . . it is humbling.  I am grateful for His tender loving mercy and everlasting grace.  How undeserving I am!  . . . yes, the tears are falling again.

God's free mercy

"The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made" (Psalm 145:9).

It is God's free mercy which every day keeps hell and my soul asunder.

It is God's free mercy which daily pardons my sins.

It is God's free mercy which supplies all my inward and outward needs.

It is God's free mercy which preserves, and feeds, and clothes my outward man.

It is God's free mercy which renews, strengthens, and prospers my inward man.

It is God's free mercy which has kept me many times from committing such and such sins.

It is God's free mercy which has kept me many a time from falling before such and such temptations.

It is God's free mercy which has many a time preserved me from being swallowed up by such and such inward and outward afflictions.

(Thomas Brooks, 1669, "A Cabinet of Choice Jewels. Public Domain as seen on Grace Gems.)

"Great is your mercy, O Lord" (Psalm 119:156).  Oh, let us rejoice that we have such a merciful God!!  "I will sing of the tender mercies of the Lord forever!" (Psalm 89:1).

redeemed, redeemed!

I woke up this morning singing this . . .

Redeemed, how I love to proclaim it!
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb;
Redeemed through His infinite mercy,
His child and forever I am.

Refrain
Redeemed, redeemed,
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb;
Redeemed, redeemed,
His child and forever I am.

Redeemed, and so happy in Jesus,
No language my rapture can tell;
I know that the light of His presence
With me doth continually dwell.

Refrain

I think of my blessèd Redeemer,
I think of Him all the day long:
I sing, for I cannot be silent;
His love is the theme of my song.

I don't even know when is the last time I actually heard this song being sung or played, but I tell ya it was ALL I could think of this morning!!

Just in case you were wondering, it is one of the thousands of hymns penned by Fanny Crosby.

to die is gain

"For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain" (Phil. 1:21).

Look upon your dying day as a gainful day. There is  no gain compared to that which comes in by death.  A Christian gets more by death, than he does by life.  To be in Christ is very good--but to be with Christ is best of all, "I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far!" Phil. 1:23. It was a mighty blessing for Christ to be with Paul on earth--but it
was the top of blessings for Paul to be with Christ in heaven! Seriously consider these things--

By death you shall gain incomparable crowns!
   A crown of life, Rev. 2:10; James 1:12;
   A crown of righteousness, 2 Tim. 4:8;
   An incorruptible crown, 1 Cor. 9:24-25;
   A crown of glory, 1 Pet. 5:4.
There are no crowns compared to these crowns!

By death you  shall gain a glorious kingdom! "It is your Father's pleasure to give you a kingdom!" We must put off their rags of mortality--that we may put on our robes of glory. There is no entering into paradise--but under the flaming sword of this angel, death--who stands at the gate. Death is the dirty lane through which the saint passes . . .
  to a kingdom,
  to a great kingdom,
  to a glorious kingdom,
  to a peaceful kingdom,
  to an unshaken kingdom,
  to a durable kingdom,
  to a lasting kingdom, yes,
  to an everlasting kingdom!

Death is the dark, short way, through which the saints pass to the marriage-supper of the Lamb!

(Thomas Brooks, 1675, from "Words of counsel to a dear dying friend,"
Public Domain as seen on Grace Gems.

Grace Gems has Brooks' comforting seven page letter, "Words of counsel to a dear dying friend in it's entirety.")

 

remembering

One Saturday night my freshmen year in college, my roommate and I went to find ice cream at 10 pm in the middle of winter.  Finding none and forgetting that coffee contains caffeine, we opted for large coffees at a bookstore.  When we got back to our dorm room just before curfew, we tried to go to sleep, but obviously could not.

So, instead of fighting it we both pulled out photo albums of mission trips we'd taken during our high school years.  We sat on that bottom loft bed, side-by-side till the wee hours of the morning flipping pages, pointing to pictures, and telling each other story after story of God's goodness, God's power, God's love.  It was a night I will never, ever forget.

For me the beauty of photographs is that they help us remember who our God is . . similar to the stones of remembrance in the Old Testament.  Looking at pictures from days gone by . . . whether they be family photos, vacation photos, mission trip photos, or just old random snapshots . . . I can't help but remember how faithful God has been in keeping His promises.

Even photos from the "rough times" in life, still speak to how He was faithful to carry us through--that even in bad situations He still remained all-powerful and all-good.  Even photos that are before I was born--of my grandparents when they were children or of my parents on their wedding day--these older photos serve as a testimony of how God has worked in and through the various generations of my family.

For me, the beauty of a photograph is that it inevitably causes my heart to swell with praise and thankfulness to the Most High God for all that He has blessed me with and for all that he is.  Now isn't that a great reason to flip (physically or virtually) though photo albums!?!

loss of all confidence in self

"Just as the sinner's despair of any hope from himself is the first prerequisite of a sound conversion; so the loss of all confidence in himself is the first essential in the believer's growth in grace. (Arthur Pink)

___

"Without Me you can do nothing" (John 15:5).

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).

oh! how merciful!!

Our God is of another order. He notices every one of us; there is not a sparrow or a worm but is found in his decrees. There is not a person upon whom his eye is not fixed. Our most secret acts are known to him. Whatsoever we do, or bear, or suffer, the eye of God still rests upon us, and we are beneath his smile—for we are his people; or beneath his frown—for we have erred from him.

Oh! how ten-thousand-fold merciful is God, that, looking down upon the race of man, he does not smite it out of existence. . . . But see how, when he observes the sin of man, he does not dash him away and spurn him with his foot; he does not shake him by the neck over the gulf of hell, until his brain doth reel and then drop him forever; but rather, he comes down from heaven to plead with his creatures; he argues with them; he puts himself, as it were, upon a level with the sinner—states his grievances and pleads his claim.

There yet remains hope, even for the scorner.

Hope in a Saviour's veins.
Hope in the Father's mercy.
Hope in the Holy Spirit's omnipotent agency.

--Charles Spurgeon

cannot have enough

As Christians, we are often told to quench our desires for more.  We are warned against the "never can have enough" attitude of the lost. 

. . . which in most cases is good advice.  But, there is at least one thing we cannot have enough of.  This morning as I was reading my new devotional book Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon, I couldn't help but smile as I read today (Dec 13th)'s "Morning":

We may be certain that when the King of kings distributes grace among His royal priesthood, the supply is not cut short by Him.  In ourselves we are often in short supply, but never in the Lord.  . . . Some things in the economy of grace are measured; for instnace, our vinegar and gall are given us with such exactness that we never have a single drop too much; but the salt of grace is not restricted in its provision.   . . . A man may have too much money or too much honor, but he cannont have too much grace.  . . . A plethora of grace is impossible.  More wealth brings more care, but more grace brings more joy.  Increased wisdom is increased sorrow, but an abundance of the Spirit is fullness of joy.  Believer, go to the throne. . . You need much; seek much and have much.

Isn't that good news?!?  We cannot have too much grace.  An increase in the things of this world brings about responsibities, cares, and sorrow . . . but an increase in grace brings MORE JOY!! 

I needed this reminder this morning!  (So, thanks, mom, for sticking a heavy book in with the package you mailed me.)

I've only read a few entries in my new book, but I am really enjoying what I have read.  If you think you might be interested in the book Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon which has been revised and updated by Alistair Begg, you can download all of January's entries here in pdf format from www.gnpcb.org to take a look-see.