following an unknown path

from my 1999 journal

In the summer of 1999, I moved to Taiwan to be an exchange student for a year.  It was a very difficult summer.  I recently came across my journal from that year as an exchange student.  Reading the pages brings tears to my eyes--what a life changing experience. 

Tucked inside the front cover was this:

This summer I struggled with the conflict between the God I know and the situations I found myself in.  It was this last month in my time alone with Him that God both convicted me and comforted me with "I am your Father, what child would I forsake?  When you are in my will, all is well." 

Our feelings and experiences provide inaccurate pictures of God.  Accuracy should be left to history and Scripture.  God showed me that I need to remember that revelation has priority over experience!

When we base our decisions and faith solely on experiences and emotions, we might miss Truth.  What an important, but difficult, lesson to learn.

my struggle with evangelical piety

As I was skimming through this article, Has God Called You?, by Albert Mohler, I nodded in TOTAL agreement to the bolded part below.

One key issue here is a common misunderstanding about the will of God. Some models of evangelical piety imply that God's will is something difficult for us to accept. We sometimes confuse this further by talking about "surrendering" to the will of God. As Paul makes clear in Romans 12:2, the will of God is good, worthy of eager acceptance, and perfect. Those called by God to preach will be given a desire to preach as well as the gifts of preaching. Beyond this, the God-called preacher will feel the same compulsion as the great Apostle, who said, "Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!" [1 Corinthians 9:16, ESV]

Consider your calling. Do you sense that God is calling you to ministry, whether as pastor or another servant of the Church? Do you burn with a compulsion to proclaim the Word, share the Gospel, and care for God's flock? Has this call been confirmed and encouraged by those Christians who know you best?

God still calls . . . has He called you?

When I was finishing up grad school in 2002-2003, I was faced with "what next?" 

I actually considered the fact that I desired to be in Taiwan a sign that it must not be God's will for me.  I actually thought that I should have to struggle and surrender to a task that I didn't want to do in order for it to be pleasing to God. 

WHAT!?!?!  Why would I think such a thing?

So, I started looking at other countries.  Some friends in Japan had invited me to come work along side them, so I replied with interest.  I began to look at organizations that I could serve with in China. 

Then another terrible thought occurred to me . . . "what if it is not Asia?"  So, I contemplated South America and Africa. 

I cannot explain in mere words what this was doing to my heart.  I was willing to follow God anywhere He wanted to send me, but I was sure that meant I must suffer, that I couldn't be happy or joyful about it.  Why I fell prey to this evangelical piety line of thinking remains to me a mystery.

However, this reopening of looking for a place to go was making me much like those waves in the first chapter of James--driven and tossed by the wind.  I remember in at least one sermon long ago, my dad compared that Greek word used there to the agitation cycle of a washing machine.  The twist and turn, twist and turn of all that water going no where.  Yep, that what it was . . .  my heart stuck in a perpetual spin-cycle of emotion.

By God's merciful grace, a godly couple I had met on a mission trip to Hong Kong some years before were in town and wanted to meet up.  As we sat in the Chinese restaurant, and I poured out my heart, expressing my desire to follow God suffer for God. 

Oh, I will never, ever forget the looks on their faces.  I was unable to discern the falsehood of the evangelical piety lies I had fallen subject to, but they sure were able to.  They responded first in utter shock to the words spewing from my mouth and then with loving kindness spoke scripture to me. 

For the first time in months, I was able to see that when we follow God's will there IS joy.  And that is OK.  That being obedient, although not easy and not without sacrifice, is a thing that is full of joy and happiness.  Oh how everything changed that day!  Praise God for the people in our lives who speak the truth in love to us!

Please don't hear me wrong--being obedient is not easy.  But that doesn't mean it must be a dreadful, terrible thing that we will hate doing.  God is kind.  Like that second quote by Betty Scott Stam I posted two weeks ago, when we release the little trinkets we've been clinging to, He replaces them with precious treasures.  Letting go of those little trinkets might seem hard at the time, but accepting those precious treasures?  Never. 

Our God is a God who gives desires to His children who delight in him.  How neat is that!?!  Oh, what a great God He is!!

God's will is good and acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:2).  Amen!

isn't He good?

This Sovereign Grace Song has been playing on repeat in my head again:

Your goodness
Found us in the darkness
Rescued us and freed us
Cleansed us from within
You saved us
Freely You forgave us
Counted us as righteous
And heirs with Your own Son

Isn’t He good, isn’t He kind
Hasn’t He blessed us time after time
Isn’t He good, all of our days
With endless mercies
And ceaseless grace
Oh let us sing: He is good

Your mercies meet us
With the daybreak
And every breath that we take
Points us to Your grace
Your power
Keeps us till the hour
Every knee will bow and
Worship Christ alone

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21, ESV)

Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope. May he be given glory in the church and in Christ Jesus forever and ever through endless ages. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21, NLT)

Betty's prayer

"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Your will for my life.  I give myself, my life, my all utterly to You to be Yours forever.  Fill me and seal me with Your Holy Spirit.  Use me as You want, send me where You want, work out Your whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever."

Written by Betty Scott Stam (raised as an MK in China, she later was a missionary to China herself who watched as Communists killed her husband before they killed her too; whole amazing story here).

Elisabeth Elliot copied this prayer into her Bible and signed it when she was ten or eleven.  After finding it in one of Elisabeth Elliot's books, I copied it into my journal and signed it when I was in high school (I did change the Thees and Thous to Yous and Yours). 

Both Betty and Elisabeth sacrificed much to serve their Lord.  I, of course, have given so little compared to them.  However, the Lord has completely changed my original desires and hopes, altered my own plans and purposes.  For this I am glad.  Betty's prayer remains my heart's cry to this day. 

"When we consecrate ourselves to God, we think we are making a great sacrifice, and doing lots for Him, when really we are only letting go some little, bitsie trinkets we have been grabbing, and when our hands are empty, He fills them full of His treasures." (Betty Scott Stam)

celebrating Advent as a single woman away from home

This is my first time to celebrate Advent.  And, I'm excited about it.  One of my biggest desires is to rebuild anticipation into the season . . . to recapture wonder and awe . . . but instead of directed towards the concept of Christmas as it was when I was a child . . . to direct towards love of my Savior. 

After being away from home for five Christmases so far I've come to the conclusion that being away from family at Christmas time is hard--uh, I probably could have told you that after just the first one.  And, I think that being single and barren at Christmas is also really hard--this is a family holiday.  So, what's a girl to do when she is single, childless, and living across the ocean from her family?

Once I tried basically ignoring it and pretending it didn't really matter.  A few times I tried to only focus on it on Christmas Day--to think about it for a whole month would just be too difficult.  But, last year, I changed. . . I made it a point to make it special and started to build my own traditions.  I also discovered Advent and decided that this year I would celebrate it.   

So, for the first time, I am fully embracing the holiday as a single adult on my own.  I am building my own traditions . . . that hopefully I will one day be able to share with my husband and children.  I am creating things now that I hope to use with my kids. . . and if I never have children, I will share them with my little neighbors and use them myself. 

But I am refusing to play the ostrich this year.  Sticking my head in the sand and pretending this holiday isn't really there--which is easy when no one around really celebrates it--isn't an option.  I will spend this month in awe and wonder  . . . in anticipation.  Christ has come and is going to return.  He is our hope. Our salvation.

Oh what glorious, wonderful news!

a mother's touch

       My thirteenth year of life was horrible.  I was changing from a girl into a woman, and I felt everything and everyone was against me. 

It was Christmas Eve and none of my clothes from the year before were fitting, and I could do nothing with my frizzy curls.  I cried for at least an hour after stomping up the stairs in utter frustration with my mean mother who did not understand me at all!  Then came the gentle knock on the door.  My mother had a red turtleneck and a beautiful white fuzzy sweater across her right arm; "May I come in?"  She came in and helped me dress; then we went to her room where she did my hair and even did my make-up.  She then let me borrow one of her necklaces.

Everyone was waiting downstairs for us to come down so we could open presents.  As I walked down those stairs, I felt like the most beautiful girl on the entire planet.  I felt like everyone on the whole earth was watching me descend down the stairs (not just my family).  I have never felt more beautiful in my whole life.       

The other day, I saw a picture of that Christmas Eve.  I remembered feeling so beautiful, but as I looked at the picture, I just saw a plain girl in her mother's sweater with frizzy curls. 

So what had made the difference? 

My mother's opinion of me.  Her time and attention and her care, along with a few complements, I'm sure, made me feel like a beauty queen.

Never underestimate the power of a mother's touch.

joy comes in the morning

I watch this happen every morning from my window.  I love watching the sun rise!!

Well, I might not be fully joyful yet, but I am feeling better this morning.  Thank you all for your virtual hugs and words of encouragement. 

Today is a long day for me . . . so ready! set! go!! :)

missing

The team coming this weekend to my town was great.  I really enjoyed prayerwalking with them and helping them to share Christ.  And, I even took them to my favorite resturant--"The Cooking DuDu" (or "DuDu Chef" or "The DuDu Restaurant").  Ahh . . . that was some great Chinese food--if you come visit me, I promise to take you there.

They even brought me a bag of American goodies, and it was refreshing to be around like-minded people for a few days.  However, they left me one thing that I'd like to return now. 

They left me feeling very homesick.  These last two days my eyes have often teared up, sometimes actually spilling over.  This team reminded me that I do miss home. 

I miss my family. 
I miss real fall weather. 
I miss leaves actually changing colors. 
I miss crunching the fallen leaves underfoot. 
I miss the smell fall.
I miss the stars at night that are big and bright. 
I miss sitting and talking to my mom. 
I miss playing games with my brother. 
I miss chatting with my dad. 
I miss laughing with my sister.
I miss orange pumpkins.   
I miss driving on long stretches of endless road where the horizon can always be seen. 
I miss the smell of Grandmother's cooking. 
I miss helping her change out her front porch lights. 
I miss arranging the photos on my PawPaw's computer. 
I miss watching him sleep in his big white recliner.
I miss the wrinkled and yet at the same time very smooth hands of my NeeNee. 
I miss snuggling up under homemade afghans made by those same hands. 
I miss the way he calls me sweetheart and she calls me sugar.
I miss . . .

*sigh* . . . oh how much I miss right now.

I don't think I've ever been this homesick before. 

This is my 6th fall away from home.  It will be my 6th Thanksgiving and Christmas totally on my own. 

Oh, how much I miss home right now!  *sigh*

my origins (aka: where I am from)

I am from storybooks and
Cabbage Patch dolls,
from a box of 124 crayons.

I am from cinnamon rolls, banana bread,
and gravy poured over broken biscuits.

From yellow and green gingham,
the CareBears, and pink and blue bows.

I am from the new, new house
in a little bit of Forth Worth.

From the parsonage next to
the small-town church
with the two story slide.

I am from mud pies,
picnics in the front yard,
porch swings and rocking chairs.

I am from “life is not fair”
and “I told you so.”

From washing windows on Saturday
and it’s your turn to empty the dishwasher.

I am from preachers,
Sunday school teachers,
and the church pianist.

I’m from Jesus Loves the Little Children,
and Great is Thy Faithfulness.

I’m from pajama days
and a little black pick-up truck.

From chicken and dumplings,
chips and salsa, peppermint birthday cakes,
and don't forget the Diet Coke and Bluebell.

I'm from Podunk, Arkansas
and Smalltown, Texas.

From huge family get-togethers, days on the lake,
and Christmas at Grandma’s.

I am from the woman who tossed cold water on her rowdy boys,
the high school sweethearts who married,
the boy who was tricked to run down a steep hill,
the strangers who met on a bus.

I am from the boy who jumped off a bridge and broke his nose,
from the girl in the fluffy pink sweater who hated her curls.

I am from Dot and Joe, Mildred and Euel, Joi and Ken,
from love and laughter, faith and family,
hugs and kisses.

~*~*~*~*~

Giving credit where credit is due: Poems like this have been circling the web for awhile now--I first remember seeing them in the winter/spring of 2005.  They are inspired by George Ella Lyons' poem "Where I'm From." And, there is even a template to help you get started if you'd like to write your own.

little changes

I shocked myself this week when I drank American Kool Aid for the first time in perhaps 2 years.  I found some that I'd kept in my freezer and decided to whip up a batch.  When I first got to Taiwan, I drank Kool Aid all the time as a comfort drink.  Tiny packages make for easy transport over the ocean, and the dividends are huge.

It called for 1 cup of sugar--I added less than a 1/4 cup of Splenda.  I already knew to add less "sugar" for my new Asianesque tastebuds.  However, I was not prepared for the explosion of overpowering sweet cherry that was about to pour over my taste buds. 

Wow!  That's some strong stuff!  I seriously was overwhelmed by black cherry Kool Aid.  I watered it down--1 part kool aid and 3 parts water--and enjoyed it much, much better.

Who'd a thunk it?

what color is your brain?

You might be surprised to know it in fact is not gray. ;)

I found out that mine is gold.

What Color is Your Brain?

At work or in school: I like set routines and organized ways of doing things.  Rules and directions are a great help to me.  I prefer to stay on one topic at a time.  I need to know what is expected of me, and I always want to know if I am on the right track.  I like subjects that are useful and traditional, such as business, accounting, history and government.

With friends: I prefer people who are careful with their money and who make plans ahead of time.  I like my friends to be loyal, dependable and on time.  I am serious about love and show it in many practical ways.

With family: I like stability and security and enjoy traditions and frequent celebrations.  I like to spend holidays with family members, and I plan ahead for such gatherings.

What color is your brain?

Most of the above is pretty accurate.  And since living in Taiwan, although I prefer plans ahead of time, I've learned to fly by the seat of my pants too. :)

i want to be a mommy

(I know nothing about Kellie Coffey except for this song.)

Many women in my family (including me) have PCOS, which is the leading cause of infertility in women.  1 in 10 women have it. 

The powerful emotion that this song evokes causes tears to stream down my face.  I long to have a family, to be a wife, to be a mom . . . this singer has tapped into my heart of hearts, but even she has more than I do.  She has a "husband to love." 

It would be so easy to be bitter and envious.

But you know . . . in reality--in the nitty-gritty-in-your-face-this-is-life reality--I would still choose to be single and childless if it means God is better glorified in my life.  Oh, make no mistake, being a wife and a mother is something I really, really want!!!  But glorifying God is something I want even more.  (Clarification: Not that he wouldn't be glorified if I became a wife and a mom, but only He who knows how he can best be glorified in my life.)

Tears continue to fall.

He is all-powerful--He can do what he wants when he wants. 

He is all-good--He is a gracious, loving Father who gives good gifts and keeps his promises.  He has met my greatest need of all and blessed me way beyond I deserve. 

What right do I have to be bitter or envious?  None whatsoever.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. (Psalm 73:25)

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:17)

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Two Additional Thoughts
First, you know what else? Even though her song is powerful and brings tears to my eyes each time I watch it, I am not sure I would be willing to die in order to become a wife and a mom.  Namely, the pragmatics of it just don't make sense.  If I died to become a wife or a mom, well then I can't really be a wife or a mom now can I?  I'd be dead. 

Second, after I first heard this song . . . I later thought about the One who HAS died for me.  . . it is humbling.  I am grateful for His tender loving mercy and everlasting grace.  How undeserving I am!  . . . yes, the tears are falling again.

it's all about the 'tude

My parents taught me very early about the importance of attitude.  Learning how to adjust it was a very important part of my up-bringing.

However, I first heard about the "10/90 rule" in regards to attitude and life during my teen years from Charles Swindoll.  I had the following quote posted in my closet during high school so I could be reminded of its truth daily:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company . . . a church . . . a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past . . . we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.  I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you . . . we are in charge of our Attitudes.” (Charles Swindoll)

This is always true, but it is especially true when dealing with living in another country.  I must carefully guard my attitude and reaction to the things around me.  Sometimes it is a self-talk discussion where I must tell myself to choose to think and, thus, feel a certain way.

Let me give you an example. 

I live among thousands of Taiwanese people in a huge apartment complex.  I don't get a lot of mail, so I check my mail box regularly but not often.  The apartment complex has security guards who are supposed to watch the comings and goings of the people and open the safety bar to allow residents to park in the basement. 

These security guys also tell me when I have mail. (This is not part of their job description.)

At first, it was only when I got a package that they would gesture making the shape of a box and shout "package" in Chinese at me when I rode in on my scooter.  Then they started telling me about every.piece.of.mail--every postcard, every bill, every advertisement.  Friday night, one of them even ran down from his basement bar-opening post, shouting my name in Chinese as I disappeared up the stairs in order that he might get to my mailbox and open it so that he could be ready to help me retrieve my electricity bill.

So, I have a choice. 

I can (A) feel annoyed that I and my mailbox are being watched so closely and/or feel annoyed that these men don't think I am adult enough to check my own mail or (B) be grateful that the security guys care about me and want to make sure I get my mail in a timely manner.

It might not seem like it, but I tell you sometimes B is a really hard choice to choose.

And this is just one example.  Here are some more:

People stare at me.  Do I (A) decide this is rude and start to harbor negative feelings towards all strangers or (B) remember that I might be the first or one of the few white people they've ever seen in person and be grateful for their interest in me?

Children and teens shout strange things to me in English.  Do I (A) ignore them and grumble inside about how bad their English is or (B) with a smile and a glance in their direction, shout a pleasant reply back because really they might be trying to be friendly?

Complete strangers ask me stupid questions. Do I (A) put them off and get offended by their nosiness or (B) try to be as friendly as I can as I once again answer the same stupid question for the umpteenth time this month, being thankful for their interest in me?  (Actually, even the fact that I am choosing to call it a "stupid question" lets you in on the fact that I am choosing to think these questions are stupid when I could choose to think of them as friendly "get to know questions" instead.)

And the list goes on . . . and on . . . and on.

And again, it might not seem like it, but I tell you sometimes it is really hard to choose B.

But, let me tell you this too . . . when I do choose B, life is OH SO MUCH better.  Sweeter.  Enjoyable.  The world is friendlier and living here is great. 

And, in reality, because I am supposed to be salt and light, choosing B makes sharing Christ's love so much easier.  Not just because "they" see a changed person, but also because my 'tude is right and I can actually feel loving towards "them."

When I start to choose As more often then Bs it time for me to spend some extra time alone with the One who excels at 'tude-adjusting.

can you read chinese?

I get asked this question A LOT!!

I usually answer with "I can read on about a second grade level--you know basic stuff like signs and menus."

Apparently, my best friend thinks the answer to that question is "YES!"  She sent me a postcard, and it was written completely in Chinese. 

At first, I freaked out.  I was like "WHAT!?!?!  How I am supposed to read this!?!?!  How on earth did she forget that I was American!?!"

Then, after I looked at it a little more carefully it started making sense. The biggest challenge turned out to be that it was in handwriting and not "typed."  Apparently, my best friend knows my reading level right on. 

So, Ellen, what would say my Chinese reading level is?  Thanks for the postcard!!  It made me quite happy to get it.  I miss you and can't wait to see you too!!  And, once again, happy birthday, girly!!!

design styles

When I was in Dallas last summer, I got to stay with both my sister and a good friend from college.  I have always admired both of them for their decorating abilities. 

LeAnn always made our college dorm look cozy and inviting.  Sarah has always had cute rooms and decorations.  Whenever I visit either of them I have to guard my heart from coveting after what they have--both their decorations and their knack for decorating! 

Which is kinda funny since their styles couldn't be more different!!  LeAnn is more homespun cottage with a touch of romantic or country depending on which room you are being hugged by at the moment.  And, I love it.  Her home is so warm and inviting. 

Sarah, on the other hand, uses a more contemporary style with a touch of Tuscan from her beautiful wrought-iron accessories that adorn nearly every room in her new home.  And, I love it too.  Her home is also warm and inviting--just in a different way.

I love that as women, we get to add touches of beauty to the world around us.  I enjoy visiting Sarah and LeAnn's homes to see how they are creating beauty in their living spaces, to see how they are expressing parts of their personalities through decorating the areas around them.

Since I love both of their styles and then have my own style preferences too, it shouldn't be a surprise what the results were to this really fun quiz I took from hgtv.com.  According to their twelve questions, my design style is "eccentric with a touch of sweet and classy."

They say: "for you, it's all about the mix.  Any style is welcome in your world as long as it complements something else.  You're drawn to funky interiors and eye-catching color combinations (think red and blue, orange and turquoise, purple and gold).   You like contrasting patterns and unconventional architecture.  You enjoy furnishings that remind you of your travels mixed with modern pieces and offbeat antiques." I think they hit the nail on the head (except for maybe the color combo thing).

They also suggested for decorating inspiration, I should look at rooms in one of these three styles: eclectic, southwestern, and Mediterranean. Of these three, I like the eclectic best.  Some of the Mediterranean style rooms appeal to me; however, I personally don't care for the southwestern style in my own living space. 

I do, however, like the styles they call contemporary, transitional, and Asian (I wonder why?). Oh, and just for FYI, I really like this Asian style living room.

 [The top photo is my "pre-pink" bedroom; my mom made the curtains for me.  The bottom photo was taken in my living room two years ago (and not much has changed since then).   My mom and I sewed the pillows in Texas, and my students helped me stuff them and stitch them closed here in Taiwan.]

So, what is your decorating style?

oh, baby!

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

(Psalm 139:13-16)

Babies--they are so precious. 

I know not if I will ever be a mother.  I know not if I will ever experience what if feels like to have a human being intricately woven inside of me.  I long to . . . I desire to . . . but, I know not.

For now, I must be content with holding little bundles of blessings that belong to others (like the one pictured here who belongs to one of my students).  I can cradle them, snuggle with them, sing to them, rub my cheek against their fuzzy heads, kiss their chubby little cheeks, and then I must give them back to their moms and dads.  It is not easy to stay content when everything inside of screams with the desire to be a mother. 

Instead of children to raise, all I have for now is hope.  And, I don't even know if that hope will ever not be deferred.   All I know is that for now it is. 

But that is ok, because like I mentioned yesterday, the Most High God is both all-good and all-powerful all the time.  He saw me while I was still an unformed substance. He cannot not keep His promises.  He is a great gift-giver, a Father who likes to give gifts to his children.  He is trustworthy.  It is far more than worthwhile for me to trust Him alone--even with deferred hopes and strong desires.

Father, I thank you for so graciously helping me not to covet, not to envy.  I could not on my own.  Please continue to keep bitterness at bay and hope, even though deferred, burning bright.  I place my trust in You alone.

This post was submitted to the Carnival of Beauty sponsored by following an unknown path.  This week the theme is The Beauty of Babies and is being hosted here. Join us next week for The Beauty of Humility over at Scribbling by Blair.

The Beauty of Truth

The beauty of truth is that it sets us free.

"You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32).

I know . . . I've experienced this truth--that the truth sets us free--several times.

As a kid, lying was probably the sin I struggled with most.  I didn't lie straight out, I stretched the truth or made up my own "stretched facts."   I blurred the lines between reality and my imagination.  But, still it was lying.  I distinctly remember one day--maybe in third or fourth grade--sitting in the cafeteria and telling one of my stretched stories.  I remember being so convicted.  I realized that I couldn't keep all the details of all my stretched stories straight.  It was liberating to discover that if I told the truth and only the truth, I didn't have to worry about keeping anything straight.

In college, I sinned and then was convicted by the Holy Spirit; I struggled for an entire summer with the guilt of not confessing it.  The moment I went to the person I had sinned against and confessed, the moment I told her the truth, I was able to breathe freely again. 

A few years ago, I suffered from depression.  Part of it was hormonal, and while hormonally imbalanced, it was easy for me to believe "warpy thoughts."   So, part of getting out of the deep dark pit of depression was washing away the lies I had been believing with Scripture.  I remember one of my friends telling me: "no wonder your depressed, anyone who believes that would be depressed."   Her speaking truth to me and encouraging me to feed on Scripture again, helped set me free from the chains of depression.

Satan is the father of lies, and shoots flaming darts at us.  "He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies" (John 8:44).  He loves to keep us bound and imprisoned.

Oh, but our Heavenly Father delights in truth in his inward being (Psalm 51:6).  And it is Him who sets us free.  His truth sets us free.   What a glorious thing to delight in! 

Truth . . what a very beautiful thing indeed!

This post was submitted to the Carnival of Beauty sponsored by following an unknown path.  This week the theme is The Beauty of Truth and is hosted by Bethany at Picturesque Life. Join us next week for The Beauty of Babies--right here on my blog. 

My Blogging Story

Since Inquiring Minds Want to Know My Blogging Story, I thought I'd oblige.  Actually, they wanna know yours too . . . so join in by answering these questions and leaving your linky-da-link-link here.

How did you start blogging?
I've had a website since 1999, and I would have loved to have started way back then if I'd known about it then.   In 2003, I found Blogger, but didn't quite get the concept, so I started an online database of stories from Taiwan that were totally static--not interactive at all. 

In 2005, I started to use MSN spaces since I used MSN messenger quite a bit back then. The biggest problem I've had with blogging is "who is my audience?".  Using MSN spaces answered that question for me since most of my MSN buddies were students.  So, I started by writing to my students. 

Then some how one day, I stumbled upon a blog written by about 5 stay-at-home moms.  Then clickty click click . . . I found my way to Two Talent Living (now known as A Gracious Home) and Always Thirsty (now closed). 

As I clicked and surfed my way through bloggy world, I instantly found that there was a possible audience out there other than my students.  And, it excited me.  So, I opened up a typepad account and haven't looked back since.

Did you intend to be a blog w/a following? If so, how did you go about it?
"A following"??  No.  "Readers?"  Yes. 

I didn't really "go about it."  I like being a small blog with a smaller readership.  I do think participating in carnivals and being an active commenter on other blogs helps create e-relationships which can boost readership

What do you hope to achieve or accomplish with your blog? Have you been successful? If not, do you have a plan to achieve those goals?
Mostly I was and still am interested in writing for my friends and family back in America, as well as for other Christians who are interested in knowing what life is like for a single, missionary gal living in Taiwan.

I would like draw attention to missions in general and ministry in Taiwan in particular.  I want to showcase for others what life is like for me here in Taiwan.  I want to bring glory to God by writing about what he is doing in and through me as I live here in Taiwan.

I hope I've been successful.  I know there are times my blog has gotten "fluffy" or has lacked driven purpose, but I do have a few changes in mind to help that.

Has the focus of your blog changed since you started blogging? How?
Not really.  The only thing I can think of is that I've gotten less personal/intimate in some ways.

What do you know now that you wish you'd known when you started?
I wish I had thought through some of the privacy issues.  My website was with my full name, so I also started blogging with my full name.  Not so sure I would do that if I could start over again.

Do you make money with your blog?
No.

Does your immediate or extended family know about your blog? If so, do they read it? If not, why?
Yes; they know and some read.  They are a main reason why I blog.  Even my grandparents and kid brother read my blog! :)  (Kid brother once even commented on the mispelled words in a story/post. A 13 year old correcting an English professor! Ha!!)  Oh, yeah, and my mom's cousin's wife, Cindy, reads my blog--she has been very encouraging all along the way. 

What two pieces of advice would you give to a new blogger?
1. As Taiwanese people love to say, "Don't think too much."  Once you've thought through the key issues and decided to blog, don't worry too much.  Play with your blog and enjoy it.  Look for what you like on other blogs and see how you yourself could emmulate it in your own way.

2. If you are looking for ways to build readership, participate in carnivals, memes, and go out into the bloggy-world and leave comments.  Just like you have to be a friend to get a friend. . . you have to (start by) be(ing) a reader to get readers.

redeemed, redeemed!

I woke up this morning singing this . . .

Redeemed, how I love to proclaim it!
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb;
Redeemed through His infinite mercy,
His child and forever I am.

Refrain
Redeemed, redeemed,
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb;
Redeemed, redeemed,
His child and forever I am.

Redeemed, and so happy in Jesus,
No language my rapture can tell;
I know that the light of His presence
With me doth continually dwell.

Refrain

I think of my blessèd Redeemer,
I think of Him all the day long:
I sing, for I cannot be silent;
His love is the theme of my song.

I don't even know when is the last time I actually heard this song being sung or played, but I tell ya it was ALL I could think of this morning!!

Just in case you were wondering, it is one of the thousands of hymns penned by Fanny Crosby.

random

Stacy, an IRL friend who also lives here in Taiwan, tagged me while I was taking my bloggy break. 

It's been going around bloggy-world, but just in case here are the meme's rules:

1. Post the rules of the game.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

Random Facts about Amanda:
1. I love peanutbutter and banana sandwhiches.  But, the banana needs to be squashed or smooshed, not sliced, and mixed up with the peanut butter.

2. I can raise my left eyebrow higher than my right eyebrow, but not the other way around.

3. At one time (during highschool), I knew how to say "hello," "yes" and "no" in thirty different languages.  Now I can probably only do about 5-10 for each.  But, this still impress my students.

4. I do not have a credit card.  They actually scare me a little.

5. I love it when my dog licks my face.

6. During the course of my life, I've never lived in the same house for longer than three years.  And, unil junior high, the same thing could be said about living in the same city. 

7. So, I have no "home town," just a "home state." 

8.  Even though I come from Texas and have visited Thailand, Taiwan, Japan, China, and Hong Kong, I have never been to Mexico.

Tags:

Like most memes I do, I don't really like tagging people, so consider yourself tagged if you not yet done this meme and would like to.  I pass the torch to you.

i really want one

This precious baby is my "Taiwanese nephew."  He is a few months old and, oh, so cute. 

By "Taiwanese nephew" I mean . . . my best friend's brother's son. :)  (My best friend's family treats me like their third daughter/sister.)

I LOVE babies!  And--as you can tell from the title of this post--yes, I still long to be a mommy.