following an unknown path

repeating conversations

There was a joke in one of my foreign language education classes in grad school about a student of French who went to France and came back upset because no one in France knew their lines to the dialogues. 

I think here in Taiwan, someone actually could memorize "their lines to the dialogue" because they are most likely going to be asked the same questions in nearly the same order . . . .over and over and over again.

However, one thing to be careful of is that the conversation patterns change depending on what phase of your life you are in. 

So, since I've been amused by the conversations I've been having lately, it seems that I'm entering a new phase of repeated conversations.

Here is an actual conversation I had yesterday in Chinese (translated to English by me):

Shop Owner: So, hey, why can you speak Chinese?  You been here long?

Me: Yes, I've been here 7 years. 

Him: Ah,  married?

Me: Yes.

Him: Taiwanese guy?

Me: (with a smile) yes.

Him: Oh yeah!  Taiwanese guys are good guys, aren't they!?!

Me: (with an even bigger smile) yes.  they are pretty good.

Him: yall have a baby?

Me: No, not yet.

Him: Oh, that is just not right!  If you really think we Taiwanese people are good.  You should make a little Taiwanese baby!

Me: Well, we've only been married a year.

Him: (visibly surprised) Oh!  Just a year!  I thought it would be much longer than that since you speak Chinese.  . . .So, uh, hey, you a teacher?

This particular shop owner cracked me up.  He had a very lively personality and talked with me for a least 20 minutes while I waited in his shop. 

So, as I hopped on my moped leaving his store, I started thinking, and here are my observations/ponderings:

Observation/Pondering 1:

His reply to the baby question was a new one.  Usually it is followed by something along the lines of "oh, mixed blood babies are beautiful.  I'm sure your baby will be so gorgeous."  

Following, Lawrance's example, I reply to that with "all babies are beautiful."   He can get away with it--they stop that line of commenting with him.  When I'm alone, whoever I'm talking to (especially the grandmas) insist I don't know what I'm talking about because it is a "known fact that mixed blood babies and the most beautiful in the world."  At this point all I can do is smile. (Something Lawrance and I have already talked about is how to help our future children deal with all the compliments they are going to receive while in Taiwan.  But that's another topic for another day.)

Observation/Pondering 2:

The other place this conversation usually takes me is to the fact that we don't have a baby yet.  I mean come on we've been married a full year, surely there is a little one by now . . . or at least one the way!  When the shocked listener finds out, that truly the answer is "no, not yet"  four out five times they will respond "加油" (Jia you)!! 

Jia you is a cheer that roughly translates to something like "Go! Go! Go!"  It is often used to cheer on sports competitors at sporting events or to encourage someone who needs a little encouragement in their studies or to show support to someone who is about to take a test or needs to be brave.

At first I found it quite embarrassing . . . that is because I was listening to it with my American ears.  Once I realized that it just meant something more like "good luck!" or "hope you get what you want soon," it has become much less embarrassing.

Observation/Pondering 3:

I find it funny/interesting that everyone I've spoken with so far about my language skills since I've been married seems to think that having a Taiwanese husband explains why I'm pretty fluent in Chinese.  This is a new one for me and something I've got to puzzle through and figure out.  I mean it totally and completely explains everything they need to know about why I'm here.  Before people always wanted to know why I came . . . and that leads to a good opportunity to share the Gospel, but now that question is gone once they know my husband is Taiwanese. Hmmm . . . 

That's all my ponderings for now. . . back to course planning and syllabus making I must go.

praying in the third person

I learned something very important about the Chinese language within the last two weeks.

It actually shocked me to learn something so important this late in the game.  How I missed it all these years, I do not know.

Here is what I learned: In Chinese, when you want to show respect, you use the third person and avoid personal pronouns such as "you" and "me."

Now, I already knew that in Chinese cultures you don't call people by their given name.  For example, I would address my sister as "younger sister" not Sarah.  And, my husband as "hubby" (literally "old man") not Lawrance.  And, teacher's get called "teacher" not Mrs. Wu; bosses get called "boss" and so on. 

This concept is covered in Intro to Chinese 101.  Nothing surprising there.

But, it wasn't until I've overheard my husband on the phone many times recently talking to his boss--a manager.  Unlike other conversations, I heard no "you."  I only heard her title "manager."  So, for example instead of "I got your message," he'd say "I got the manager's message" and instead of "thank you, manager" it is "thanks, manager." 

Bells were ringing all over in my head . . . connections being made left and right.  I was totally "getting" many aspects of culture (that I thought I knew) at a whole new deeper level.  It was a great feeling.

Addressing someone by their title ALL the time and avoiding using even the polite "ning" form of you, is how you show respect.  GOT IT!!

After making this connection last week, I asked my husband about it . . .and then I asked him about his prayers. 

When he prays in Chinese he NEVER uses the first person.  So, instead of "I want to thank you for my wife" the prayer is "Child thanks God for the wife given to Child."  And instead of "Please help me to . . . ," it is "please help Child to . . . "

When I asked him about this he said something along the lines of "it just seems so haughty and selfish to go in front of God and say 'I,' 'I,' 'I,' 'I,' 'I.'  Using the third person is not just showing respect, but is also is a reminder of my place before him.  That I come to him not because of who I am but because of who he is.  It is a reminder of my position as fully dependent upon him for everything."

So, my exciting linguistic cultural breakthrough led to something even more exciting and meaningful . . . a special reminder about prayer.  I couldn't stop thinking about the implications of calling myself "child" in prayer.

Amazing how something that native English speakers use to be proud and arrogant--speaking of themselves in the third person--is used to show humility and respect by native Chinese speakers.

So, I now know that avoiding "you" in Chinese and replacing it with the person's title is a great sign of respect, but avoiding "me" and replacing it with a word that describes my relationship with the person is an even greater sign of respect.

And, as I often say in class, "interesting, huh?"

seeing the seasons

I miss seeing the seasons come and go.  Here, on this little topical island, the land of eternal green, there are very minuscule changes in the landscaping from winter to spring to summer to fall. 

We seem to always be able to enjoy bright flowers and green trees.  So, I'm not complaining . . . just missing the changes that mark time.

When I lived in a Taiwanese farming community, I enjoyed seeing the rice fields change. But, here in the city, there is nothing to see change. 

But then today, I saw it.  For the first time . . . a sign of a new season.  And it delighted my heart to no end.

The plumeria trees are blooming!!!! 

It is AWESOME to be able to "see" a change and claim "wow, summer is coming."  :)

confessions of a newlywed who surrived "extended singleness" #2

I vow never to make fun of others as they delight in "new love."  

I really appreciated the people who encouraged me and were excited for me when we were "falling in love."  I am thankful for those who cheered on all the "foot-popping, birds singing, the world is a beautiful place" feelings associated with "new love."

And, it really irritates me when people--especially younger-than-me-couples who married in their late teens early twenties--"poo-poo" (make fun of) the idea of "new love."

It seems that they equate "new love" with "immature love" that only "young people who don't know any better" experience.   Or they even think of new love as being fake. 

I guess I can understand that if all the "ooey-gooey," star-gazing love for them happened when they were young and immature that they would assume that the "ooey-gooey," star-gazing love is also immature. 

But it's not. 

It's a necessary building block for developing a lasting love.   You have to "walk on air" before you can walk together on the solid ground of commitment.

New love is exciting.  It is delightful.  It is fun.  But, it is not immature. :)

I like the way Ed Wheat talks about it in The First Years of Forever.  He claims both new love (what he calls "belonging love") and "absolute love" "need to be at the heart of a relationship" and that the "two loves merge into one to bless [a couple's] new life together."

Wheat further gives this advice for a "sure formula for a lasting, love-filled marriage: Enjoy the feelings of love and guard them well, but live by the facts of love."  Like I said . . . we have to get to experience the excitement of new love first before we can build our lives on commitment and agape love. 

And, therefore, new love should not be made fun of or joked about in a way that puts down those that are living it.  It is great and wonderful.  In fact it is exhilarating! :)

If you have had the privilege of experiencing new love you should count yourself blessed . . . not poo-poo the idea of it.

we all need friends

In life, we need friends.  But, we need different kinds of friends.  From Paul's life, we can see some of the different kinds of friendships we need.  I think we need in life:

1. a Barnabas,
2. a Paul,
3. a Timothy,*
4. and other companions too.

Paul and Barnabas were close friends.  Barnabas helped Paul get started in the ministry (Acts 11:19-26).  After that, their names are mentioned together as a pair twenty times in just a few chapters of Acts: Paul and Barnabas, Barnabas and Paul.  These two spent quite a bit of time together preaching the Good News; they were co-workers in ministry.  Paul and Barnabas also had the freedom to "disagree strongly" with each other (Acts 15:36-40).  We all need friends who we can accomplish like-mind goals with, people who will be there with us and have the same vision and heartbeat that we do, but who are not afraid to challange us and hold us accountable to truth.

In addition to needing friends to walk along side us, we need friends who can mentor us and friends who we can mentor.  In 1 Timothy 2:1, Paul calls Timothy his "true child in the faith."  It is obvious in his letters to Timothy that Paul is teaching and guiding Timothy, taking him under his proverbial wing.  I have always treasured the "Pauls" in my life, older women who have walked the path before me who can help me to follow it.  Likewise, I am able to help others who are just now walking along parts of the path I've already tread.  It is important that we have mentors in our life and that we mentor others as well. 

I often tend to picture Paul "out there" on his own trailblazing and spreading the gospel alone.  But that is not an accurate picture.  Paul had other companions, male--Titus, Silas, Luke, Mark, Apollos, Epaphroditus, Aquila--and female--Pricillia, Phoebe, Lydia, Euodia, and Syntyche--just to name a few of his brothers and sisters in the Lord.  In Paul's letters to the various churches, he mentions some by name sending greetings or thanking them for help sent.  Paul clearly had many friends who he lived in close communion with and considered beloved.

Like Paul, we too need others.  We need to be supported and helped.  We need companionship and fellowship.  Friendships and friends in all shapes and sizes are needed! 

We may be walking an unknown path, but we do not walk it alone--praise the Lord! 

*This idea is not originally mine.  I once heard a speaker in college talk about finding in our lives a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy.  His idea of types of friends to seek out has never left me.

(Originally posted in 2006.)

In life, we need friends.  But, we need different kinds of friends.  From Paul's life, we can see some of the different kinds of friendships we need.  I think we need in life:

1. a Barnabas,
2. a Paul,
3. a Timothy,*
4. and other companions too.

Paul and Barnabas were close friends.  Barnabas helped Paul get started in the ministry (Acts 11:19-26).  After that, their names are mentioned together as a pair twenty times in just a few chapters of Acts: Paul and Barnabas, Barnabas and Paul.  These two spent quite a bit of time together preaching the Good News; they were co-workers in ministry.  Paul and Barnabas also had the freedom to "disagree strongly" with each other (Acts 15:36-40).  We all need friends who we can accomplish like-mind goals with, people who will be there with us and have the same vision and heartbeat that we do, but who are not afraid to challange us and hold us accountable to truth.

In addition to needing friends to walk along side us, we need friends who can mentor us and friends who we can mentor.  In 1 Timothy 2:1, Paul calls Timothy his "true child in the faith."  It is obvious in his letters to Timothy that Paul is teaching and guiding Timothy, taking him under his proverbial wing.  I have always treasured the "Pauls" in my life, older women who have walked the path before me who can help me to follow it.  Likewise, I am able to help others who are just now walking along parts of the path I've already tread.  It is important that we have mentors in our life and that we mentor others as well. 

I often tend to picture Paul "out there" on his own trailblazing and spreading the gospel alone.  But that is not an accurate picture.  Paul had other companions, male--Titus, Silas, Luke, Mark, Apollos, Epaphroditus, Aquila--and female--Pricillia, Phoebe, Lydia, Euodia, and Syntyche--just to name a few of his brothers and sisters in the Lord.  In Paul's letters to the various churches, he mentions some by name sending greetings or thanking them for help sent.  Paul clearly had many friends who he lived in close communion with and considered beloved.

Like Paul, we too need others.  We need to be supported and helped.  We need companionship and fellowship.  Friendships and friends in all shapes and sizes are needed! 

We may be walking an unknown path, but we do not walk it alone--praise the Lord! 

*This idea is not originally mine.  I once heard a speaker in college talk about finding in our lives a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy.  His idea of types of friends to seek out has never left me.

(Originally posted in 2006.)

asian themed wedding

Nope.  Just in case you were wondering, we are NOT having an "Asian themed wedding."  Not that there is anything wrong with one, but I want our American wedding to be American and our Taiwanese wedding to be Taiwanese . . . while at both of them still honoring both cultures.  Does that make sense?

So, we are not doing anything overtly "Asian" at our American wedding.  No chipows, no lanterns, no deep red decorations, no fortune cookies (which are American anyway) and no "Chinese take out boxes" (which are also American).  However, we will use Chinese during part of the ceremony, and the groom's cake will have some a fun Chinese inspired decoration.  But, beyond that we are doing things in a colorful blast of gerbera daisy fun. :) 

The church ceremony of our Taiwanese wedding will be much more bilingual than our American wedding.  My guess is that it will seem Taiwanese to the Americans and American to the Taiwanese . . . which is actually my desire.  Not that both groups find it foreign, but that we do things in a way that is totally us . . . a blend of both cultures. 

However, our banquet in Taiwan will be very Taiwanese all the way.  I'm not sure what all it will include, and I'm not sure that I will know until it is all said and done.  I have heard talk of karoke though.

Oh, and the part before the wedding, where the groom comes to get or take his bride will also be done in a Taiwanese way.  

So . . . that's what I know so far.

Perhaps if we weren't also having a wedding celebration in Taiwan later or perhaps if I wasn't moving back to Taiwan after the wedding or perhaps if I wasn't actually marrying a Taiwanese man I would consider doing an Asian inspired theme for our wedding.  But, as things stand now I've kinda been against the idea of a commercially done "asian" theme to the wedding here in Texas.  However, I'm not opposed to things like using Taiwanese candy as our favors or putting the character for "double hapiness" on our invitation envelopes.

2 more weeks!!

In two weeks I will be ecstatic with anticipation!!  In two weeks I will be beside myself with joy. 

Because . . . . in two weeks, this guy:

is coming to Texas!!

I can't believe we've already been apart for 25 days.  The time has actually gone by quite fast, but it is getting harder and harder to be apart.  But, I am oh so very thankful for unlimited international calling for only 4 USD a month with skype--can't beat that.

I don't know how military wives do it.  I'm not even his wife yet, and it hurts to be apart.  And, we only have to be apart for 39 days, but still it's not easy.  So, how they do it . . . I have no clue and much more respect.

little changes

I shocked myself this week when I drank American Kool Aid for the first time in perhaps 2 years.  I found some that I'd kept in my freezer and decided to whip up a batch.  When I first got to Taiwan, I drank Kool Aid all the time as a comfort drink.  Tiny packages make for easy transport over the ocean, and the dividends are huge.

It called for 1 cup of sugar--I added less than a 1/4 cup of Splenda.  I already knew to add less "sugar" for my new Asianesque tastebuds.  However, I was not prepared for the explosion of overpowering sweet cherry that was about to pour over my taste buds. 

Wow!  That's some strong stuff!  I seriously was overwhelmed by black cherry Kool Aid.  I watered it down--1 part kool aid and 3 parts water--and enjoyed it much, much better.

Who'd a thunk it?

it's all about the 'tude

My parents taught me very early about the importance of attitude.  Learning how to adjust it was a very important part of my up-bringing.

However, I first heard about the "10/90 rule" in regards to attitude and life during my teen years from Charles Swindoll.  I had the following quote posted in my closet during high school so I could be reminded of its truth daily:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company . . . a church . . . a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past . . . we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.  I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you . . . we are in charge of our Attitudes.” (Charles Swindoll)

This is always true, but it is especially true when dealing with living in another country.  I must carefully guard my attitude and reaction to the things around me.  Sometimes it is a self-talk discussion where I must tell myself to choose to think and, thus, feel a certain way.

Let me give you an example. 

I live among thousands of Taiwanese people in a huge apartment complex.  I don't get a lot of mail, so I check my mail box regularly but not often.  The apartment complex has security guards who are supposed to watch the comings and goings of the people and open the safety bar to allow residents to park in the basement. 

These security guys also tell me when I have mail. (This is not part of their job description.)

At first, it was only when I got a package that they would gesture making the shape of a box and shout "package" in Chinese at me when I rode in on my scooter.  Then they started telling me about every.piece.of.mail--every postcard, every bill, every advertisement.  Friday night, one of them even ran down from his basement bar-opening post, shouting my name in Chinese as I disappeared up the stairs in order that he might get to my mailbox and open it so that he could be ready to help me retrieve my electricity bill.

So, I have a choice. 

I can (A) feel annoyed that I and my mailbox are being watched so closely and/or feel annoyed that these men don't think I am adult enough to check my own mail or (B) be grateful that the security guys care about me and want to make sure I get my mail in a timely manner.

It might not seem like it, but I tell you sometimes B is a really hard choice to choose.

And this is just one example.  Here are some more:

People stare at me.  Do I (A) decide this is rude and start to harbor negative feelings towards all strangers or (B) remember that I might be the first or one of the few white people they've ever seen in person and be grateful for their interest in me?

Children and teens shout strange things to me in English.  Do I (A) ignore them and grumble inside about how bad their English is or (B) with a smile and a glance in their direction, shout a pleasant reply back because really they might be trying to be friendly?

Complete strangers ask me stupid questions. Do I (A) put them off and get offended by their nosiness or (B) try to be as friendly as I can as I once again answer the same stupid question for the umpteenth time this month, being thankful for their interest in me?  (Actually, even the fact that I am choosing to call it a "stupid question" lets you in on the fact that I am choosing to think these questions are stupid when I could choose to think of them as friendly "get to know questions" instead.)

And the list goes on . . . and on . . . and on.

And again, it might not seem like it, but I tell you sometimes it is really hard to choose B.

But, let me tell you this too . . . when I do choose B, life is OH SO MUCH better.  Sweeter.  Enjoyable.  The world is friendlier and living here is great. 

And, in reality, because I am supposed to be salt and light, choosing B makes sharing Christ's love so much easier.  Not just because "they" see a changed person, but also because my 'tude is right and I can actually feel loving towards "them."

When I start to choose As more often then Bs it time for me to spend some extra time alone with the One who excels at 'tude-adjusting.

care packages

Jim, who maintains Missionary Blog Watch, has asked missionaries to write about care packages.

The thing is most missionaries I know would say they don't "need" anything.  Living overseas has taught us to learn to do without a lot of what we thought we needed before coming to our new countries.  Also, there are now so many things that we are able to find here.  Here in Taiwan, we have a Costco near-by where we can get brownie mix and extra chunky peanut butter.

The greatest thing about care packages though is the little glimpses of home they offer.  They scream "we miss you," "we are thinking about you," and "we care."  I guess that is why they are called "care packages" and not "things-you-need-to-survive packages."

So, even though most missionaries I know would say they don't "need" anything, we all delight to receive stuff from back home because it is a reminder that we are not alone.  And, little bits of comfort are nice. :)

I brainstormed about things we'd like to receive in a care package with a good friend of mine who has been a missionary in Taiwan for 12 years--she is married and has 3 small kids.  Together we came up with the list below, so please know that this is NOT an Amanda wish list). 

Things that might bless an overseas missionary family:

• (Sugar free) Koolaid packets
• (Sugar free) Jello packets
• Envelopes of prepared mixes (sloppy joe, taco seasoning, salsa mix, ranch dressing, Italian dressing, gravy, so on)
• Instant cooking things (ex: Shake and Bake)
• Other dried foods, like cereal, oatmeal, or poptarts  (Here in Taiwan, we have a good supply of oatmeal and cereal, but in other countries these things are not so easy to get a hold of.)
• Extra-active yeast (for making bread)
• Hair stuff (clips, barrets, pony tail holders)
• Candy (things like Jolly Ranchers, Starbursts, Twizzlers, Smarties)
• Sugar Free candy (Lifesavors, things like that)
• (Sugar free) Chewing Gum (in Taiwan we have trouble finding Spearmint and Cinammin flavors, I'm sure children would appreciate strawberry or grape bubble gum)
• Magazines in English (My grandmothers occasionally send me copies of Woman's World and Reader's Digest)
• Scented/Smell good things (for example: small candle, potpourri, or Plug-ins, with the plug-in device unless you know they already have it.  Scents are so important to me now.  Especially at the holidays it is nice to have a "smells like Christmas" feel in my home.  But, something like plug-ins might not work in other countries, Taiwan has the same electricity system as the US)
• Decorations for holidays (holiday plates and napkins, even something like a paper 4th of July table cloth could be fun.  My grandmother also once sent me Easter clingies to put on my windows.)
• Other holiday related items sent near that holiday (like an Easter egg dying kit before Easter or candy canes near Christmas).
• Things that are "American" or "Canadian" or in my case "Texan" . . . you get the idea. (I loved it when my mom sent a very Texan "fixin' do list" pad and some chili mix.)
  
• A memento from their fave sports team
• DVDs (especially for children, might want to ask if they have a Region 1 DVD player if you are sending DVDs from America)
• CDs but itunes credit would work too
• Books in English
  
• Tampons
• Razors
• Deodorant
• Mascara
• Socks
• Over the counter meds (cough drops, coldeze, aleve)
• Children's books in English, small toys (match box car or stuffed toy), or things like fruit roll ups or gummy bears (IF they have children)
• Hobby supplies (things for scrap booking, quilting, cross stitch, card making or stamping--IF they have those hobbies)
• Small games (new card games or logic puzzle to solve)
• Online gift certificates (amazon.com and landsend.com both ship overseas)
• My friend even suggested a including a list of websites or blogs they might want to check out when they have online time.  She said she doesn't have time to search and find good sites, but loves being encouraged by sites that do get recommended to her.
  ...

Tricks and Hints

• You don't have to send a lot to mean a lot.  A small envelope with a few packages of gravy mix and a card would mean a lot.
• Don't be afraid to ask the missionary specifically for help.  For example, "I'd like to send you some reading material is there a book or magazine you've been wanting to read?"  OR "We are wanting to send you some personal items, do you need razors or deodorant?  If so, which brands and scents could we get for you?"  By asking specifically, it helps us not be so shy in telling you what we need.  It is really hard to answer the question "what do you need us to send you?"
• If they have children, try to include at least something small for them.  It is nice for them to know that they are remembered too.
• The USPS has an international shipping envelope--Priority Mail International--that up to 4 lbs costs a flat rate.  Each country is different--to Taiwan it is $9.  If you ship this way, you can send it on Monday, and we will have it by Friday.  Wow!  That is awesome.  They also have a box with a variable charge rate, but it costs more. 
• If you are sending big packages, consider sending it by ground and not by air to save on shipping.
• You can cut and paste the address in the country's language--ask the missionary for an image of their address (well, if they are computer savvy).  Just add in all caps the name of the country in English underneath the foreign language address.  (This is how my family sends me stuff.)

That is all I can think of for now.  If you are an overseas missionary, and have thoughts on things that would bless a missionary or some other tricks and hints for sending stuff, please either comment here or even blog about care packages on your own blog.

redeemed, redeemed!

I woke up this morning singing this . . .

Redeemed, how I love to proclaim it!
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb;
Redeemed through His infinite mercy,
His child and forever I am.

Refrain
Redeemed, redeemed,
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb;
Redeemed, redeemed,
His child and forever I am.

Redeemed, and so happy in Jesus,
No language my rapture can tell;
I know that the light of His presence
With me doth continually dwell.

Refrain

I think of my blessèd Redeemer,
I think of Him all the day long:
I sing, for I cannot be silent;
His love is the theme of my song.

I don't even know when is the last time I actually heard this song being sung or played, but I tell ya it was ALL I could think of this morning!!

Just in case you were wondering, it is one of the thousands of hymns penned by Fanny Crosby.

wait, wait, wait

A Maranatha Music song from the late 1970's has been running through my head all weekend:

We must wait, wait, wait on the Lord
We must wait, wait, wait on the Lord . . .
In His timing He will tell us
What to do, where to go, what to say

You know there are times when the path might be unknown, but there is only one way to go--forward--so that is what you do.

But, what about when the path has a "y" or comes to a "t"?  Ahh, that is when life gets exciting.  That is when faith is tested. 

So, here I stand at a "y" in this unknown path waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.

It is, oh, so tempting to do things the Amanda-way.  It is, oh, so tempting to apply Amanda-logic.  It is, oh, so tempting to not be patient!

"Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long" (Psalm 25:5).

I found this sermon by James Smith (1869) to be of great comfort, encouragement, and exhortation.  If you find yourself in a place of waiting--please do click over and at least skim if not soak in what he is saying.

Here is a not-so-brief clip:

Believer, you may be independent of all creation by realizing your dependence upon your God, and waiting upon him continually.

You must believe:

the love he has to you,
his watchful care over you,
his delight in you,
the promises he has given you,
the provision he has made for you,
the glory he will get by you, and
the honor to which he intends to raise you.

In so doing,

the fear of man will die,
joy in God will spring up,
the peace of God will fill your heart and mind,
your dependence on creatures will cease, and
you will be happy in looking only to the Lord.

"My soul, wait only upon God; for my expectation is from him." "Wait on the Lord, and keep his way, and he shall exalt you to inherit the land– when the wicked are cut off, you shall see it."

. . .

Before us are difficulties, seemingly as great as the Red Sea before Israel; behind us are obstacles, as fearful as the Egyptians behind them. Besides which, we have no Moses with the rod of God to make a way for us.

What can we do? Do as the prophet of old did, who said–-"I will wait upon the Lord, who hides his face from the house of Jacob, and I will look for him." Yes, wait on the Lord, who has given you this precious promise–-"I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you shall go; I  will guide you with my eye." He will point out the way, he will teach you in the way, he will guide as a loving Father or a faithful friend.

There are no difficulties with him. He sees the end from the beginning. He has directed thousands, millions, who have been in as great or greater difficulties than you are. What he has done for others, he will do for you. Hear his own word–-"I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known; I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them."

Wait, therefore, on the Lord, and say–-"Behold, as the eyes of  servants look unto the hand of their masters, and as the eyes of a maiden  unto the hand of her mistress; so our eyes wait upon the Lord our God, until that he have mercy upon us." (emphasis mine; the sermon is public domain)

The entire sermon is good.  Smith covers in what circumstances we must wait, what we should wait for, what we should do while we wait, and even why we should wait. 

I wanna keep cutting and pasting more, but I will refain from doing so and just once again say: go read it if you find yourself, like me, in a place a waiting. 

Oh, and when I am done waiting . . . I'll tell you which part of the "y" I was instructed to take.

Father, please help me to be patient as I wait upon you as I follow this unknown path.  There are times, like right now, when I wish the path wasn't quite so unknown.  But, I am ever so grateful that you are the one who is guiding my every step.  It is upon you that I depend.  And, so, I wait on you, trusting you, depending on you alone.

ticking or twitching?

The clock in my living room held its two thick hands at 12 and 10 for about a week. 

But, the battery was--not dead--it was dying.  So, the second hand was--not ticking--it was twitching. 

With great effort but little success, the long, skinny second hand continued to try to reach for the that big nine on the left.  Twitch, twitch, twitch.

It still hung on the wall.  It still looked like a clock. 
It still told time, even if incorrectly.  It still was moving, even if unsuccessfully.  Twitch, twich, twitch.

Sometimes, I feel like my living room clock.

If my clock had feelings, I bet it was grateful when its battery was changed so it could tick like it was supposed to. No longer just stuck on the wall lying to anyone who bothered to glance at it, it is now ticking. It is now blessing those who look to him for help.  Tick, tick, tick.

I know it is that way for me.  I am, always, oh, so grateful for a charged battery so I can tick like I am supposed. 

So . . . how about you?  Are you ticking or twiching these days? 

If like my clock, you're struggling to reach that nine on the left, submit to your Maker so He can charge your battery and empower you to tick like you are supposed to.